9 signs you're turning into your mother
Once in a while, you’ll hear yourself say something and instantly think: “Did those words really just come out of my mouth?” Whether it's grumbling over the skimpiness of some girl's shorts, or finding yourself having an animated conversation about your dream bathroom, there are certain points at which you just know you're turning into your mother.
However, as you head through your 20s and creep into your 30s, it’s almost inevitable that you’ll find those moments happening more and more often; and that’s before you even become a mum yourself. But what are the signs to look out for? We've put a few together - and the chances are, you're guilty of a fair few of them already.
Seeing a stranger and uttering the words “they’re making me feel cold”
If the days when you’d be out at a club until 3am then walk home through a blizzard in nothing more than a little skirt and dainty top are gone, then congratulations: you’ve officially matured. But when you start looking at people in a t-shirt on a slightly chilly day, uttering those immortal words and becoming slightly concerned for their welfare? Well it’s time to admit you’ve gone full on mum.
Going to bed at a responsible hour
For all the 20-something grandma’s out there (guilty), this will be nothing new. But for all of us, sooner or later, it gets to a point where staying up until 2am binging on Netflix, or even worse, propping up a bar, just becomes a little too much effort. 10.30pm and a hot water bottle? Just think of how fresh and rested you’ll feel tomorrow - it brings a whole new meaning to FOMO.
Your bag becomes a bottomless void
Six boxes of paracetamol? Check. A pack of plasters and smattering of safety pins? Check. A spare birthday card or two “just in case”? Check. Once you transition from the small ‘essentials’ bag and onto the ‘everything but the kitchen sink’ bag, you’re well on your way to having at least a hint of your mother about you. Double points if you've swapped your fashionable tote for a nice practical backpack. Gotta protect that spine!
You check up on your friends
Remember those carefree younger days when you would let your friends stagger home alone after a big night out and then just check in on them for the debrief in the morning? Yeah, those days are gone. Now even after quiet Sunday afternoon coffee, you find yourself telling a friend to let you know when they’re home “so I know you’re safe”. Nonetheless, you’ll still roll your eyes like a teenager when your mom says it to you. You’re 26, doesn’t she know.
You start noticing how much your friends drink
Seeing as we’re throwing it back, let’s also take a second to talk about drinking. Back in your college days downing a pint (or five) every night was just par for the course; these days, you notice if you’re BFF starts having a single glass of wine every night. “Are you okay?” you’ll find yourself saying, “Do you need to talk about anything?” It’s probably for the best though; the hangovers are much worse these days.
BOGOF are God's gift to consumers
Picture the scene: you’re at the supermarket, happily wheeling your cart down the aisle, when you spot your favourite shampoo on a two-for-one deal. Do you a) buy just as much as you need, or b) buy 12 bottles and put them away for later? If it’s the latter then congratulations, because while you’ve definitely made the economical choice, you’ve also just aged about 10 years. Happy hair washing!
You get excited over duvets
Now, feel free to swap duvets for mops/hoovers/throws/saucepans, or just about any other item you want really, the outcome is basically the same: when you get excited about basic household appliances, you're old. That said, when you finally upgrade from those trusty Target bed covers to something a bit more fancy, it's a proud, if slightly horrifying moment. You might be well on your way to being your mother, but at least you'll be sleeping soundly in your 1000 thread-count sheets.
You start telling those stories
There’s a special talent that all mums seem to have mastered, no matter how cool they are: the long-winded story. Usually characterised by about 3000 unnecessary digressions, a strong helping of laughing at their own jokes and details you’ve heard 200 times before, or just don't care about, once you start telling mum-stories there’s really no going back. Oh, and if you’re explaining the story via text or WhatsApp, remember to under or over-punctuate (your choice) and end with an inappropriate amount of kisses.
You try to set people up
If I had a dollar for every time my mum gushed about some friend/acquaintance/borderline-stranger’s “lovely, kind, rich, oh-so-handsome” son that I should “definitely get to know”, I’d be a very rich woman. So when you start offering to set your friends up on the basis of anything other than lust (or twisted humour), it's a sure sign that you’ve officially joined the dark side.
But as much as we like to moan about the fact that we're obviously getting old, deep down we know that mum actually does know best - every single one of them. We should be checking up on our friends, getting enough sleep and wearing a coat when it's -12 outside. And to be honest, buying in bulk is just too damn handy. So next time you silently chastise yourself for telling a friend's kid they've "grown so much" or host a dinner party rather than go out, take a step back and embrace it instead - because after all, mums are awesome.