This is a sponsored article published in partnership with <span style="font-weight: 400;">Galaxy Fusions...</span>

<span style="font-weight: 400;">Synaesthetic artist, Lucy, has a secret superpower: she sees the world in a different way from the vast majority of us...</span><span style="font-weight: 400;"> </span>

<span style="font-weight: 400;">While most of us experience colour visually, around four per cent of the world's population experience hues through multiple senses, like sound or taste. These people have a neurological condition referred to as synaesthesia, which means their brains process stimulation in a way that allows them to experience several senses all at once!</span>

<span style="font-weight: 400;">It's understandable, then, that many of these lucky people use their condition to create art.</span>

<span style="font-weight: 400;">The new Galaxy Fusions range, with its adventurous flavour combinations, promises a real treat for the senses, and to put this to the test we invited Lucy to visually express how she felt after eating each of the flavours: Blonde Chocolate with Sea Salt, Dark Chocolate with Raspberry Meringue, and Dark Chocolate with 70% Cocoa.</span><span style="font-weight: 400;"> </span>

<span style="font-weight: 400;">Of course, the results were spectacular...</span>

[[facebookwidget||https://www.facebook.com/251962071804061/videos/551579899378909/]]

<span style="font-weight: 400;">"Living with synesthesia is wonderful, it feels like a sixth sense," Lucy says in the video. "When I taste something there’s a bit of visual mentally, but it’s not something that I can see with my eyes. And when I hear a certain word or a certain sound, that will be interpreted as a taste or a certain colour".</span>

<span style="font-weight: 400;">She explains that if a car was to drive past and blare its horn, she would see that as an explosion of a powdery pink colour.</span>

<span style="font-weight: 400;">Lucy shares that she discovered that she had synesthesia after telling her friends and family that she associated their names with certain colours. After noticing their confusion, she started to do the research, and discovered that she had the condition.</span><span style="font-weight: 400;"> </span>

[caption id="attachment_12632171" align="aligncenter" width="468"]<img class="wp-image-12632171 " src="https://img.fournine.net/2021/09/Screen-Shot-2021-08-26-at-12.37.57.png" alt="" width="468" height="468" /> Credit: Galaxy Fusions[/caption]

<span style="font-weight: 400;">And it only made sense to incorporate her synesthesia into her artwork. "It was a no-brainer," she says. "It’s a way that I can communicate with other people to show them how I can see the world."</span>

<span style="font-weight: 400;">We all know that Galaxy chocolate is delicious, but Lucy proves that indulging in the new Fusions flavours really is a treat for the senses...</span>

<span style="font-weight: 400;">When she tastes the Dark Chocolate with Raspberry Meringue flavour, she describes that "it invokes a real sense of this dark, rich, velvety brown colour. But there are also notes of teal and burnt orange, as well as tinges of pinkish red."</span>

<span style="font-weight: 400;">Blonde Chocolate with Sea Salt, on the other hand, was "a lot of confetti, a lot of action. So there’s a lot of flecks from all across the colour spectrum. There’s a lot of happiness going on. It’s almost like a feeling of laughter."</span>

<span style="font-weight: 400;">Finally, Lucy tasted the Dark Chocolate with 70% Cocoa. "It's a real deep, rich red burgundy colour," she exclaims. "There’s a lot of different notes within the Burgundy, and it feels really satin-like. Reminiscent of what it’s like to be calm."</span>

<span style="font-weight: 400;">It's not hard to see why Lucy champions her synaesthesia. "It’s different to what other people experience, but certainly like a little secret superpower," she says.</span>
<h6>Featured image credit: Galaxy</h6>

<p>This is a sponsored article published in partnership with Galaxy Fusions...</p>
<p>Synaesthetic artist, Lucy, has a secret superpower: she sees the world in a different way from the vast majority of us... </p>
<p>While most of us experience colour visually, around four per cent of the world's population experience hues through multiple senses, like sound or taste. These people have a neurological condition referred to as synaesthesia, which means their brains process stimulation in a way that allows them to experience several senses all at once!</p>
<p>It's understandable, then, that many of these lucky people use their condition to create art.</p>
<p>The new Galaxy Fusions range, with its adventurous flavour combinations, promises a real treat for the senses, and to put this to the test we invited Lucy to visually express how she felt after eating each of the flavours: Blonde Chocolate with Sea Salt, Dark Chocolate with Raspberry Meringue, and Dark Chocolate with 70% Cocoa. </p>
<p>Of course, the results were spectacular...</p>
<figure class='op-interactive'>
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              <div class='fb-post'
                data-href='https://www.facebook.com/251962071804061/videos/551579899378909/'
                data-show-text='true'
              >
              </div>
            </figure>
<p>"Living with synesthesia is wonderful, it feels like a sixth sense," Lucy says in the video. "When I taste something there’s a bit of visual mentally, but it’s not something that I can see with my eyes. And when I hear a certain word or a certain sound, that will be interpreted as a taste or a certain colour".</p>
<p>She explains that if a car was to drive past and blare its horn, she would see that as an explosion of a powdery pink colour.</p>
<p>Lucy shares that she discovered that she had synesthesia after telling her friends and family that she associated their names with certain colours. After noticing their confusion, she started to do the research, and discovered that she had the condition. </p>
<figure>
            <img class="wp-image-12632171 " src="https://img.fournine.net/2021/09/Screen-Shot-2021-08-26-at-12.37.57.png" alt="" width="468" height="468" /><figcaption class='op-vertical-below'>
<h1>

 Credit: Galaxy Fusions</h1>
</figcaption></figure>
<p>And it only made sense to incorporate her synesthesia into her artwork. "It was a no-brainer," she says. "It’s a way that I can communicate with other people to show them how I can see the world."</p>
<p>We all know that Galaxy chocolate is delicious, but Lucy proves that indulging in the new Fusions flavours really is a treat for the senses...</p>
<p>When she tastes the Dark Chocolate with Raspberry Meringue flavour, she describes that "it invokes a real sense of this dark, rich, velvety brown colour. But there are also notes of teal and burnt orange, as well as tinges of pinkish red."</p>
<p>Blonde Chocolate with Sea Salt, on the other hand, was "a lot of confetti, a lot of action. So there’s a lot of flecks from all across the colour spectrum. There’s a lot of happiness going on. It’s almost like a feeling of laughter."</p>
<p>Finally, Lucy tasted the Dark Chocolate with 70% Cocoa. "It's a real deep, rich red burgundy colour," she exclaims. "There’s a lot of different notes within the Burgundy, and it feels really satin-like. Reminiscent of what it’s like to be calm."</p>
<p>It's not hard to see why Lucy champions her synaesthesia. "It’s different to what other people experience, but certainly like a little secret superpower," she says.</p>
<h2>Featured image credit: Galaxy</h2>


Synaesthetic artist creates artwork after trying Galaxy Fusions

Interpreting what sex dreams mean isn't exactly straightforward.

From dreaming that your partner has cheated on you to strange sexual encounters with someone you can't stand — these kinds of dreams aren't always exactly pleasurable... unlike the actual act.

In order to better understand what sex dreams mean, and ourselves in the process, here, <strong>Four Nine </strong>speaks to couples psychotherapist and dream analyst, <a href="http://www.johnoreilly.co.uk/couple-therapy/">John O'Reilly</a>, about 19 of the most common sex dreams.

[caption id="attachment_12631794" align="alignnone" width="2560"]<img class="wp-image-12631794 size-full" src="https://img.fournine.net/2021/07/MD4FTX-scaled.jpeg" alt="What do sex dreams mean" width="2560" height="1707" /> Interpreting what sex dreams mean isn't exactly straight forward (Credit: Alamy)[/caption]
<h2>1. What does it mean if you're having sex in a dream?</h2>
"Dreams are highly contextual, and they're very specific to the dreamer," explains O'Reilly. "This may include your personal history, and what's going on in your life right now. So it doesn't necessarily have a universal meaning.
<p style="text-align: center;"><strong>READ MORE: <a href="https://fournine.net/relationships/how-choose-right-sex-toy-women-tips" target="_blank" rel="noopener">11 tips for choosing the right sex toy for you</a></strong></p>
"But generally speaking, having sex in a dream doesn't necessarily have to relate to your sexuality or your sexual behaviour. It can be highly symbolic of some kind of potential union — in that the other person represents something that is dormant in you, or they possess some quality you admire or envy. You may need to own this quality yourself."
<h2>2. Does dreaming about sex mean that you're unsatisfied?</h2>
O'Reilly points out that research shows that you're more likely to dream about sex, or even have an orgasm as a result, if you're not sexually active, or there's a low level of sex in your life at the moment.

[caption id="attachment_12631822" align="alignnone" width="2560"]<img class="size-full wp-image-12631822" src="https://img.fournine.net/2021/07/2D8DKAY-scaled.jpeg" alt="dreams " width="2560" height="1718" /> Research shows that you're more likely to dream about sex if there's a low level of sex in your life at that moment (Credit: Alamy)[/caption]
<h2>3. What does it mean when you're initiating sex in your dream?</h2>
This, again, O'Reilly says, is highly contextual.

"If this is completely counter to what would happen in your waking life — either sexually or generally speaking — this may mean that you need to be more assertive in one area of your life," he explains. "It could be sexually, but it could equally be that you need to assert yourself more with the person you're dreaming about, or that you need to embody those qualities you saw within yourself in your day-to-day."
<h2>4. What if you're cheating on your partner in your dream?</h2>
"Cheating on your partner is a very common dream, and it does disturb people," the psychotherapist comments.

"It may be about your current relationship. In that, you might not be fully aware of what's going on in your relationship, or that there is something about your partner that you're not happy with.

"But equally, it doesn't have to mean anything about your personal relationship. If someone is happy in their relationship, it's more likely that the dream is not about their relationship. Rather, it's asking them to pay attention to the energy that is created between the couple in the dream.

"Normally when people dream about cheating, they're dreaming about someone they know. That person represents something to them, and they usually have some quality that that person would like to bring into their own life or relationship."

[caption id="attachment_12631816" align="alignnone" width="1920"]<img class="wp-image-12631816 size-full" src="https://img.fournine.net/2021/07/elizabeth-lies-PIQCA1ReSgU-unsplash.jpeg" alt="What do sex dreams mean" width="1920" height="1440" /> Cheating on your partner is a very common dream (Credit: Unsplash)[/caption]
<h2>5. How about if your partner is cheating on you?</h2>
"This can frighten clients, because they can start to think that something is going on," O'Reilly continues. "There's a possibility that there might actually be something going on, but it's unlikely.

"It's probably symbolic of the energy in the relationship. Have a look at what the couple in the dream are doing, and what's going on between them. Can you integrate that into yourself or your relationship?
<p style="text-align: center;"><strong>READ MORE: <a href="https://fournine.net/difference-water-based-lube-silicone-lubricant">Your guide to finding the best lube</a></strong></p>

<h2>6. What does it mean when you dream of an ex?</h2>
The psychotherapist explains that this could mean that you have unresolved feelings, especially if the relationship ended badly.

"We don't really deal with the ending of a relationship very well. Sometimes we hold onto a relationship longer than we should, and sometimes we jettison them out of our lives prematurely. No matter how it ended, your ex will still represent something to you. Everyone has redeeming qualities, so it might be something good in them that you may need to develop in yourself, or bring to your current relationship, which is lacking.

"You're normally never dreaming explicitly about the other person, it always boils down to you," he adds.

[caption id="attachment_12631819" align="alignnone" width="1705"]<img class="size-full wp-image-12631819" src="https://img.fournine.net/2021/07/wolf-zimmermann-6sf5rf8QYFE-unsplash-scaled.jpeg" alt="" width="1705" height="2560" /> Dreams are highly contextual, and they're very specific to the dreamer (Credit: Unsplash)[/caption]
<h2>7. Or having sex with a platonic friend?</h2>
"There's always the possibility that you have an attraction the friend, but it's more likely, yet again, to be about what they represent — so, a quality, an attitude or a behaviour," says O'Reilly.

"Our psyche does really try to bring our conscious mind to focus on issues that we need to focus on, or integrate within ourselves."
<h2>8. Or your boss?</h2>
"If you dream you're having sex with your boss, it doesn't mean that you necessarily desire your boss", the psychotherapist explains.

"You may not even like them. But it might be that your boss represents something that's latent and dormant in you — you may admire that quality in them, or envy them for it."

[caption id="attachment_12631817" align="alignnone" width="1920"]<img class="size-full wp-image-12631817" src="https://img.fournine.net/2021/07/vladislav-muslakov-CwIU33KGToc-unsplash.jpeg" alt="sleep " width="1920" height="1457" /> Dreaming you're having sex with your boss doesn't mean that you necessarily desire them (Credit: Unsplash)[/caption]
<h2>9. How about a student?</h2>
Here, a power dynamic could be at play, the psychotherapist explains.

"It could tell you about a boundary that you really need to consider in your life, but it could also be about a quality that student has. The unconscious mind won't be telling you to go out and break an ethical boundary by having sex with your student, but it would use the student to symbolise something."
<p style="text-align: center;"><strong>READ MORE: <a href="https://fournine.net/relationships/why-i-dumped-out-of-blue-relationship-expert">Why was I dumped out of the blue?</a></strong></p>

<h2>10. Or a teacher?</h2>
"If you're dreaming about a teacher, I would say that it's really possible that it could be about some form of guidance, which is needed in your waking life," O'Reilly says.

"It could also be about what that teacher possesses, in terms of their higher qualities — especially if you respect that teacher, and you get on with them in real life."

[caption id="attachment_12631818" align="alignnone" width="1920"]<img class="size-full wp-image-12631818" src="https://img.fournine.net/2021/07/kyle-smith-TYO_F1Bkx_I-unsplash.jpeg" alt="what do dreams mean" width="1920" height="1280" /> Power dynamics could be at play in your dreams (Credit: Unsplash)[/caption]
<h2>11. What does it mean if you dream about having sex with a celebrity?</h2>
Barring any power dynamic, or whether the celebrity in question has been on your mind of late, O'Reilly stresses that the same rule applies when it comes to interpreting what do sex dreams mean.

"You really need to look at what's happening between the couple in the dream," he explains.

"It's not just about the sexual act, it's also about how you feel in the dream, and what's happening between you and the other person. The sexual act isn't necessarily relevant, it's usually about bringing together one psyche and the qualities of another."
<h2>12. How about someone you really dislike?</h2>
"No one is all bad, and you wouldn't be dreaming about them if they didn't have anything to offer you in terms of your own development," he continues.

"If, say, the sex is really awful or comfortable or disturbing, it can tell you something about the nature of your relationship with that person, and that you may want to keep more of a distance from them."

[caption id="attachment_12631821" align="alignnone" width="1920"]<img class="wp-image-12631821 size-full" src="https://img.fournine.net/2021/07/damir-spanic-14OzPVGzScg-unsplash.jpeg" alt="dream " width="1920" height="1280" /> Your dreams could be telling you to pay more attention to what's going on in your life (Credit: Unsplash)[/caption]
<h2>13. What if the sex between you and your partner is awkward?</h2>
"If it's your partner, it could be an indication of something that you need to think about in your relationship," adds O'Reilly. "So, if it feels awkward and uncomfortable, you should think about what's awkward and uncomfortable in your relationship.

"Quite often people will turn a blind eye to things that they're not comfortable with in a relationship. But your dream is telling you to please pay attention. "
<h2>14. And how about if it's absolutely terrible?</h2>
"If it's not a pleasant experience, or loving and caring, it could also be telling you about someone's negative qualities — and whether you possess that yourself," O'Reilly comments.

"Quite often, the people we don't like reflect something that we don't like about ourselves."

[caption id="attachment_12631820" align="alignnone" width="1920"]<img class="size-full wp-image-12631820" src="https://img.fournine.net/2021/07/henrik-donnestad-xHSm5F4tDqM-unsplash.jpeg" alt="what do dreams mean " width="1920" height="1920" /> Sex dreams are more common than you may realise (Credit: Unsplash)[/caption]
<h2>15. Or you're interrupted during sex?</h2>
"Look at what in the relationship is interrupting the flow," O'Reilly explains.

"It's probably not literally about another person, but you will have to think about what is stopping your relationship from progressing or feeling completely comfortable."
<p style="text-align: center;"><strong>READ MORE: <a href="https://fournine.net/news/devastating-impact-football-racism">The devastating impact football racism has on players – and how we can do better</a></strong></p>

<h2>16. What if you have a sex dream including BDSM?</h2>
"Here, what is the energy telling you?" O'Reilly asks. "If you're really enjoying it in the dream, maybe you could talk to your partner, and see whether you want to explore kink.

"But if the sexual relationship has gotten a bit routine and mundane, maybe you need to think about upgrading your behaviour with one another. But it doesn't necessarily mean you need to buy a whole new bag of sex toys."

[caption id="attachment_12631795" align="alignnone" width="1700"]<img class="wp-image-12631795 size-full" src="https://img.fournine.net/2021/07/s-l-Se3-GFPVcVc-unsplash-scaled.jpeg" alt="What do sex dreams mean" width="1700" height="2560" /> Dreaming about BDSM does not necessarily mean that you're interested in exploring it (Credit: Unsplash)[/caption]
<h2>17. What does it mean if you're having sex in a horrible place?</h2>
If you're dreaming about having sex with your partner in a really dingy, horrible space, then it's telling you something.

O'Reilly explains: "I wouldn't say you have problems, but there are opportunities to develop your relationship."
<h2>18. Or on holiday?</h2>
"If you're dreaming of having sex on a beach, or a beautiful sunny island, then that's also telling you something about the energy between you — maybe that there's something really lovely going on," explains O'Reilly.

"Or it could be telling you to make it a bit more lovely, and put a bit more sunshine into your relationship."

[caption id="attachment_12631824" align="alignnone" width="1920"]<img class="size-full wp-image-12631824" src="https://img.fournine.net/2021/07/omurden-cengiz-qESmU4MUnbE-unsplash.jpeg" alt="dreaming " width="1920" height="1280" data-wp-editing="1" /> Pay attention to the context when it comes to dreams (Credit: Unsplash)[/caption]
<h2>19. How about if you're having sex with a gender you're not attracted to?</h2>
"This really does happen quite frequently, and it freaks people right out," O'Reilly comments. "As we've seen, it depends on the context, and what's happening between the pair. But it's probably asking you to think about what is it about their feminine or masculine persona that's attractive — depending on your sexual orientation.

"This will inform you what you need to develop within yourself around the feminine or masculine. It's not literal, it's symbolic."
<p style="text-align: center;"><strong>READ MORE: <a href="https://fournine.net/why-love-island-serious-risk-black-women">Why 'Love Island' is a more serious risk for Black women than it is for white</a></strong></p>
As a general opening to interpreting what do sex dreams mean, O'Reilly concludes by explaining that when we wake up from a sleep, we often interpret what our dreams from an ego-based perspective, which doesn't understand the symbolism and metaphors within.

"It possibly frightens us because it's choosing a symbolic language that we don't yet understand, he says. "Dreams are rarely, rarely, rarely literal."

Has this guide helped you to figure out what sex dreams mean? Let us know your thoughts in the comments.
<h5>Feature image credit: Alamy</h5>

<p>Interpreting what sex dreams mean isn't exactly straightforward.</p>
<p>From dreaming that your partner has cheated on you to strange sexual encounters with someone you can't stand — these kinds of dreams aren't always exactly pleasurable... unlike the actual act.</p>
<p>In order to better understand what sex dreams mean, and ourselves in the process, here, <strong>Four Nine </strong>speaks to couples psychotherapist and dream analyst, <a href="http://www.johnoreilly.co.uk/couple-therapy/">John O'Reilly</a>, about 19 of the most common sex dreams.</p>
<figure>
            <img class="wp-image-12631794 size-full" src="https://img.fournine.net/2021/07/MD4FTX-scaled.jpeg" alt="What do sex dreams mean" width="2560" height="1707" /><figcaption class='op-vertical-below'>
<h1>

 Interpreting what sex dreams mean isn't exactly straight forward (Credit: Alamy)</h1>
</figcaption></figure>
<h2>1. What does it mean if you're having sex in a dream?</h2>
<p>"Dreams are highly contextual, and they're very specific to the dreamer," explains O'Reilly. "This may include your personal history, and what's going on in your life right now. So it doesn't necessarily have a universal meaning.</p>
<p style="text-align: center;"><strong>READ MORE: <a href="https://fournine.net/relationships/how-choose-right-sex-toy-women-tips" target="_blank" rel="noopener">11 tips for choosing the right sex toy for you</a></strong></p>
<p>"But generally speaking, having sex in a dream doesn't necessarily have to relate to your sexuality or your sexual behaviour. It can be highly symbolic of some kind of potential union — in that the other person represents something that is dormant in you, or they possess some quality you admire or envy. You may need to own this quality yourself."</p>
<h2>2. Does dreaming about sex mean that you're unsatisfied?</h2>
<p>O'Reilly points out that research shows that you're more likely to dream about sex, or even have an orgasm as a result, if you're not sexually active, or there's a low level of sex in your life at the moment.</p>
<figure>
            <img class="size-full wp-image-12631822" src="https://img.fournine.net/2021/07/2D8DKAY-scaled.jpeg" alt="dreams " width="2560" height="1718" /><figcaption class='op-vertical-below'>
<h1>

 Research shows that you're more likely to dream about sex if there's a low level of sex in your life at that moment (Credit: Alamy)</h1>
</figcaption></figure>
<h2>3. What does it mean when you're initiating sex in your dream?</h2>
<p>This, again, O'Reilly says, is highly contextual.</p>
<p>"If this is completely counter to what would happen in your waking life — either sexually or generally speaking — this may mean that you need to be more assertive in one area of your life," he explains. "It could be sexually, but it could equally be that you need to assert yourself more with the person you're dreaming about, or that you need to embody those qualities you saw within yourself in your day-to-day."</p>
<h2>4. What if you're cheating on your partner in your dream?</h2>
<p>"Cheating on your partner is a very common dream, and it does disturb people," the psychotherapist comments.</p>
<p>"It may be about your current relationship. In that, you might not be fully aware of what's going on in your relationship, or that there is something about your partner that you're not happy with.</p>
<p>"But equally, it doesn't have to mean anything about your personal relationship. If someone is happy in their relationship, it's more likely that the dream is not about their relationship. Rather, it's asking them to pay attention to the energy that is created between the couple in the dream.</p>
<p>"Normally when people dream about cheating, they're dreaming about someone they know. That person represents something to them, and they usually have some quality that that person would like to bring into their own life or relationship."</p>
<figure>
            <img class="wp-image-12631816 size-full" src="https://img.fournine.net/2021/07/elizabeth-lies-PIQCA1ReSgU-unsplash.jpeg" alt="What do sex dreams mean" width="1920" height="1440" /><figcaption class='op-vertical-below'>
<h1>

 Cheating on your partner is a very common dream (Credit: Unsplash)</h1>
</figcaption></figure>
<h2>5. How about if your partner is cheating on you?</h2>
<p>"This can frighten clients, because they can start to think that something is going on," O'Reilly continues. "There's a possibility that there might actually be something going on, but it's unlikely.</p>
<p>"It's probably symbolic of the energy in the relationship. Have a look at what the couple in the dream are doing, and what's going on between them. Can you integrate that into yourself or your relationship?</p>
<p style="text-align: center;"><strong>READ MORE: <a href="https://fournine.net/difference-water-based-lube-silicone-lubricant">Your guide to finding the best lube</a></strong></p>
<h2>6. What does it mean when you dream of an ex?</h2>
<p>The psychotherapist explains that this could mean that you have unresolved feelings, especially if the relationship ended badly.</p>
<p>"We don't really deal with the ending of a relationship very well. Sometimes we hold onto a relationship longer than we should, and sometimes we jettison them out of our lives prematurely. No matter how it ended, your ex will still represent something to you. Everyone has redeeming qualities, so it might be something good in them that you may need to develop in yourself, or bring to your current relationship, which is lacking.</p>
<p>"You're normally never dreaming explicitly about the other person, it always boils down to you," he adds.</p>
<figure>
            <img class="size-full wp-image-12631819" src="https://img.fournine.net/2021/07/wolf-zimmermann-6sf5rf8QYFE-unsplash-scaled.jpeg" alt="" width="1705" height="2560" /><figcaption class='op-vertical-below'>
<h1>

 Dreams are highly contextual, and they're very specific to the dreamer (Credit: Unsplash)</h1>
</figcaption></figure>
<h2>7. Or having sex with a platonic friend?</h2>
<p>"There's always the possibility that you have an attraction the friend, but it's more likely, yet again, to be about what they represent — so, a quality, an attitude or a behaviour," says O'Reilly.</p>
<p>"Our psyche does really try to bring our conscious mind to focus on issues that we need to focus on, or integrate within ourselves."</p>
<h2>8. Or your boss?</h2>
<p>"If you dream you're having sex with your boss, it doesn't mean that you necessarily desire your boss", the psychotherapist explains.</p>
<p>"You may not even like them. But it might be that your boss represents something that's latent and dormant in you — you may admire that quality in them, or envy them for it."</p>
<figure>
            <img class="size-full wp-image-12631817" src="https://img.fournine.net/2021/07/vladislav-muslakov-CwIU33KGToc-unsplash.jpeg" alt="sleep " width="1920" height="1457" /><figcaption class='op-vertical-below'>
<h1>

 Dreaming you're having sex with your boss doesn't mean that you necessarily desire them (Credit: Unsplash)</h1>
</figcaption></figure>
<h2>9. How about a student?</h2>
<p>Here, a power dynamic could be at play, the psychotherapist explains.</p>
<p>"It could tell you about a boundary that you really need to consider in your life, but it could also be about a quality that student has. The unconscious mind won't be telling you to go out and break an ethical boundary by having sex with your student, but it would use the student to symbolise something."</p>
<p style="text-align: center;"><strong>READ MORE: <a href="https://fournine.net/relationships/why-i-dumped-out-of-blue-relationship-expert">Why was I dumped out of the blue?</a></strong></p>
<h2>10. Or a teacher?</h2>
<p>"If you're dreaming about a teacher, I would say that it's really possible that it could be about some form of guidance, which is needed in your waking life," O'Reilly says.</p>
<p>"It could also be about what that teacher possesses, in terms of their higher qualities — especially if you respect that teacher, and you get on with them in real life."</p>
<figure>
            <img class="size-full wp-image-12631818" src="https://img.fournine.net/2021/07/kyle-smith-TYO_F1Bkx_I-unsplash.jpeg" alt="what do dreams mean" width="1920" height="1280" /><figcaption class='op-vertical-below'>
<h1>

 Power dynamics could be at play in your dreams (Credit: Unsplash)</h1>
</figcaption></figure>
<h2>11. What does it mean if you dream about having sex with a celebrity?</h2>
<p>Barring any power dynamic, or whether the celebrity in question has been on your mind of late, O'Reilly stresses that the same rule applies when it comes to interpreting what do sex dreams mean.</p>
<p>"You really need to look at what's happening between the couple in the dream," he explains.</p>
<p>"It's not just about the sexual act, it's also about how you feel in the dream, and what's happening between you and the other person. The sexual act isn't necessarily relevant, it's usually about bringing together one psyche and the qualities of another."</p>
<h2>12. How about someone you really dislike?</h2>
<p>"No one is all bad, and you wouldn't be dreaming about them if they didn't have anything to offer you in terms of your own development," he continues.</p>
<p>"If, say, the sex is really awful or comfortable or disturbing, it can tell you something about the nature of your relationship with that person, and that you may want to keep more of a distance from them."</p>
<figure>
            <img class="wp-image-12631821 size-full" src="https://img.fournine.net/2021/07/damir-spanic-14OzPVGzScg-unsplash.jpeg" alt="dream " width="1920" height="1280" /><figcaption class='op-vertical-below'>
<h1>

 Your dreams could be telling you to pay more attention to what's going on in your life (Credit: Unsplash)</h1>
</figcaption></figure>
<h2>13. What if the sex between you and your partner is awkward?</h2>
<p>"If it's your partner, it could be an indication of something that you need to think about in your relationship," adds O'Reilly. "So, if it feels awkward and uncomfortable, you should think about what's awkward and uncomfortable in your relationship.</p>
<p>"Quite often people will turn a blind eye to things that they're not comfortable with in a relationship. But your dream is telling you to please pay attention. "</p>
<h2>14. And how about if it's absolutely terrible?</h2>
<p>"If it's not a pleasant experience, or loving and caring, it could also be telling you about someone's negative qualities — and whether you possess that yourself," O'Reilly comments.</p>
<p>"Quite often, the people we don't like reflect something that we don't like about ourselves."</p>
<figure>
            <img class="size-full wp-image-12631820" src="https://img.fournine.net/2021/07/henrik-donnestad-xHSm5F4tDqM-unsplash.jpeg" alt="what do dreams mean " width="1920" height="1920" /><figcaption class='op-vertical-below'>
<h1>

 Sex dreams are more common than you may realise (Credit: Unsplash)</h1>
</figcaption></figure>
<h2>15. Or you're interrupted during sex?</h2>
<p>"Look at what in the relationship is interrupting the flow," O'Reilly explains.</p>
<p>"It's probably not literally about another person, but you will have to think about what is stopping your relationship from progressing or feeling completely comfortable."</p>
<p style="text-align: center;"><strong>READ MORE: <a href="https://fournine.net/news/devastating-impact-football-racism">The devastating impact football racism has on players – and how we can do better</a></strong></p>
<h2>16. What if you have a sex dream including BDSM?</h2>
<p>"Here, what is the energy telling you?" O'Reilly asks. "If you're really enjoying it in the dream, maybe you could talk to your partner, and see whether you want to explore kink.</p>
<p>"But if the sexual relationship has gotten a bit routine and mundane, maybe you need to think about upgrading your behaviour with one another. But it doesn't necessarily mean you need to buy a whole new bag of sex toys."</p>
<figure>
            <img class="wp-image-12631795 size-full" src="https://img.fournine.net/2021/07/s-l-Se3-GFPVcVc-unsplash-scaled.jpeg" alt="What do sex dreams mean" width="1700" height="2560" /><figcaption class='op-vertical-below'>
<h1>

 Dreaming about BDSM does not necessarily mean that you're interested in exploring it (Credit: Unsplash)</h1>
</figcaption></figure>
<h2>17. What does it mean if you're having sex in a horrible place?</h2>
<p>If you're dreaming about having sex with your partner in a really dingy, horrible space, then it's telling you something.</p>
<p>O'Reilly explains: "I wouldn't say you have problems, but there are opportunities to develop your relationship."</p>
<h2>18. Or on holiday?</h2>
<p>"If you're dreaming of having sex on a beach, or a beautiful sunny island, then that's also telling you something about the energy between you — maybe that there's something really lovely going on," explains O'Reilly.</p>
<p>"Or it could be telling you to make it a bit more lovely, and put a bit more sunshine into your relationship."</p>
<figure>
            <img class="size-full wp-image-12631824" src="https://img.fournine.net/2021/07/omurden-cengiz-qESmU4MUnbE-unsplash.jpeg" alt="dreaming " width="1920" height="1280" data-wp-editing="1" /><figcaption class='op-vertical-below'>
<h1>

 Pay attention to the context when it comes to dreams (Credit: Unsplash)</h1>
</figcaption></figure>
<h2>19. How about if you're having sex with a gender you're not attracted to?</h2>
<p>"This really does happen quite frequently, and it freaks people right out," O'Reilly comments. "As we've seen, it depends on the context, and what's happening between the pair. But it's probably asking you to think about what is it about their feminine or masculine persona that's attractive — depending on your sexual orientation.</p>
<p>"This will inform you what you need to develop within yourself around the feminine or masculine. It's not literal, it's symbolic."</p>
<p style="text-align: center;"><strong>READ MORE: <a href="https://fournine.net/why-love-island-serious-risk-black-women">Why 'Love Island' is a more serious risk for Black women than it is for white</a></strong></p>
<p>As a general opening to interpreting what do sex dreams mean, O'Reilly concludes by explaining that when we wake up from a sleep, we often interpret what our dreams from an ego-based perspective, which doesn't understand the symbolism and metaphors within.</p>
<p>"It possibly frightens us because it's choosing a symbolic language that we don't yet understand, he says. "Dreams are rarely, rarely, rarely literal."</p>
<p>Has this guide helped you to figure out what sex dreams mean? Let us know your thoughts in the comments.</p>
<h2>Feature image credit: Alamy</h2>


What do sex dreams mean? Expert analyses what's really going on in your head

Ever compared your relationship to someone else's and wondered how often do other couples have sex? Well, you're not the only one.

By nature, we humans are perennially curious creatures, and we can't help but compare our libidos and bedroom habits to our peers.

So, how do you weigh up? Here's everything you need to know...

[caption id="attachment_12631636" align="alignnone" width="1920"]<img class="wp-image-12631636 size-full" src="https://cdn.fournine.net/uploads/2021/06/taras-chernus-CFWgJgmm6p8-unsplash.jpeg" alt="How often do couples have sex?" width="1920" height="1280" /> Many of us can't help but compare our libidos and bedroom habits to our peers (Credit: Unsplash)[/caption]
<h2>How often do couples have sex?</h2>
According to a 2017 study in the <a href="https://link.springer.com/article/10.1007/s10508-017-0953-1" target="_blank" rel="noopener">Archives of Sexual Behaviour</a>, the average adult has sex 54 times a year, which roughly equates to once a week.

Surprisingly, things weren't always this way.
<p style="text-align: center;"><strong>READ MORE: <a href="https://fournine.net/difference-water-based-lube-silicone-lubricant">Your guide to finding the best lube</a></strong></p>
A <a href="https://link.springer.com/article/10.1007/s10508-017-0953-1" target="_blank" rel="noopener">similar study</a> conducted in the 1990s found that couples back then had, on average, nine per cent more sex each year.

Looks like things have changed over the last 20 years.

[caption id="attachment_12631634" align="alignnone" width="1707"]<img class="wp-image-12631634 size-full" src="https://cdn.fournine.net/uploads/2021/06/alexander-krivitskiy-Wi80DmE9ybE-unsplash-scaled.jpeg" alt="How often do couples have sex?" width="1707" height="2560" /> The average adult has sex 54 times a year (Credit: Unsplash)[/caption]
<h2>How often do men need sex?</h2>
<h2>How often do men need sex?</h2>
There is no one right amount of sex that men "need". Getting in between the sheets is a deeply personal thing, and a number of factors can affect your sex drive, <a href="https://www.verywellhealth.com/how-often-do-couples-really-have-sex-2329045" target="_blank" rel="noopener">including</a> age, genetics, health, stress and mood.
<p style="text-align: center;"><strong>READ MORE: <a href="https://fournine.net/health-beauty/how-apply-lubricants-females-vaginal-dryness" target="_blank" rel="noopener">9 tips for overcoming vaginal dryness and eradicating painful sex</a></strong></p>
In our opinion, the happiest couples, and individuals, have sex approximately as often as they want to!

Regardless, several studies have shown that men, on average, have higher sex drives than women. But this, of course, varies from person to person.

Per <a href="https://www.webmd.com/sex/features/sex-drive-how-do-men-women-compare" target="_blank" rel="noopener">WebMD</a>, the majority of adult men under 60 think about sex at least once a day. Only one-quarter of women said that they think about it as frequently. Likewise, while both men and women fantasise less with age, men still fantasise around twice as often.

[caption id="attachment_12631635" align="alignnone" width="1920"]<img class="wp-image-12631635 size-full" src="https://cdn.fournine.net/uploads/2021/06/becca-tapert-F0ZiHWliGGM-unsplash.jpeg" alt="sex" width="1920" height="1280" /> The happiest couples, and individuals, have sex approximately as often as they want to!(Credit: Unsplash)[/caption]
<h2>Is once a month a sexless relationship?</h2>
Technically speaking, a sexless relationship is defined as when a couple has sex less than once a month or less than 10 times a year, per <a href="https://www.everydayhealth.com/sexual-health/are-sexless-marriages-and-relationships-normal.aspx" target="_blank" rel="noopener">Everyday Health</a>.

However, sex is a highly personal matter — and depending on your personal circumstances, there are varying definitions of what constitutes a sexless relationship. To one couple, being "sexless" would mean not having sex for a year, and to another, it would be a week, or even a few days.

[caption id="attachment_12631637" align="alignnone" width="1920"]<img class="wp-image-12631637 size-full" src="https://cdn.fournine.net/uploads/2021/06/dainis-graveris-RvPHgE_SknM-unsplash.jpeg" alt="sex" width="1920" height="1280" /> A sexless relationship is defined as when a couple has sex less than once a month (Credit: Unsplash)[/caption]
<h2>What have real couples said about how often they have sex?</h2>
To see just how much the sexual habits of couples vary, we took a look at Reddit and saw what real-life people have to say about their sex lives and how often they get it on...
<h3>1. "Quality over quantity"</h3>
"Once a week. We've been together for 16 years," dishes Reddit user, <a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskWomen/comments/4xewl4/how_often_do_you_and_your_so_have_sex/d6f1qh4?utm_source=share&amp;utm_medium=web2x&amp;context=3" target="_blank" rel="noopener">auntiechrist23</a>. "Quality over quantity. There's been times where there was more (a few times a day), and times where there was less (once a month). Long term relationships of over a decade have an ebb and flow when it comes to sex. There are times when you're more in love with each other, and times where you're better friends. Sometimes there's more sex, sometimes there's more intimacy. It's a very normal thing.
<p style="text-align: center;"><strong>READ MORE: </strong><a href="https://fournine.net/water-based-lube-vs-oil-lubricants-sex" target="_blank" rel="noopener">Water-based lube vs oil – your guide to the best lubricants for sex</a></p>

<h3>2. "There isn't a fixed frequency"</h3>
Reddit user, <a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskWomen/comments/4xewl4/how_often_do_you_and_your_so_have_sex/d6evp9l?utm_source=share&amp;utm_medium=web2x&amp;context=3" target="_blank" rel="noopener">msstark</a> writes: "It really varies, depending on how tired and stressed we are. We've been together five months, and sometimes it's twice a day, other times there's no sex for two weeks. There isn't a fixed frequency."

[caption id="attachment_12631638" align="alignnone" width="1920"]<img class="wp-image-12631638 size-full" src="https://cdn.fournine.net/uploads/2021/06/jason-leung-Fg40FngCsu4-unsplash.jpeg" alt="sex" width="1920" height="1280" /> We took a look at Reddit and saw what real-life people have to say about their sex lives (Credit: Unsplash)[/caption]
<h3>3. "It's been fairly consistent"</h3>
5-10 times a week. He often gives me oral in the morning (multiple a week) so that easily increases it. At weekends sometimes we can have very long sessions or whole-day things, so I don't know how to count that. We can spend up to five hours on sex on a Saturday or Sunday," says <a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskWomen/comments/4xewl4/how_often_do_you_and_your_so_have_sex/d6fa2k9?utm_source=share&amp;utm_medium=web2x&amp;context=3" target="_blank" rel="noopener">mareenah</a>. "Together 8 years. Fluctuates a little based on how busy we are and if we're sick, but it's been fairly consistent."
<h3>4. "It works"</h3>
"We've been together almost 10 years, and we have sex about once a week," writes <a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskWomen/comments/4xewl4/how_often_do_you_and_your_so_have_sex/d6ewbt6?utm_source=share&amp;utm_medium=web2x&amp;context=3" target="_blank" rel="noopener">shoup88</a>. "Frequency has been pretty stable. I wish it was a little more, but it works."
<h3>5. "It's been about the same since the beginning"</h3>
Reddit user, <a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskWomen/comments/4xewl4/how_often_do_you_and_your_so_have_sex/d6f1iw7?utm_source=share&amp;utm_medium=web2x&amp;context=3" target="_blank" rel="noopener">Candothefrug</a>, says: "On average 5 times a week, varies from 4-8 times per week. We've been together nearly 10 years and have a kid and it's been about the same since the beginning."

[caption id="attachment_12631639" align="alignnone" width="1920"]<img class="wp-image-12631639 size-full" src="https://cdn.fournine.net/uploads/2021/06/reproductive-health-supplies-coalition-YaY-MWSGQjI-unsplash.jpeg" alt="sex" width="1920" height="1442" /> One Reddit user said: "It's been about the same since the beginning" (Credit: Unsplash)[/caption]
<h3>6. 'It's definitely decreased a lot since he took this job"</h3>
"2-3 times a month when he's on a big job at work because he's operating on stress and very little sleep. When work is slow, maybe once a week. We've been together 3.5 years, living together 2.5 years. It's definitely decreased a lot since he took this job," reveals <a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskWomen/comments/4xewl4/how_often_do_you_and_your_so_have_sex/d6eurca?utm_source=share&amp;utm_medium=web2x&amp;context=3" target="_blank" rel="noopener">snapkangaroo</a>.
<h3>7. "Definitely not as frequent as our first year together"</h3>
"2-4 times a week. Been together almost 7 years. Definitely not as frequent as our first year together when we were 18-year-old college freshmen in a dorm with no roommates," writes <a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskWomen/comments/4xewl4/how_often_do_you_and_your_so_have_sex/d6ev33h?utm_source=share&amp;utm_medium=web2x&amp;context=3" target="_blank" rel="noopener">thunderling</a>.

[caption id="attachment_12631640" align="alignnone" width="1920"]<img class="wp-image-12631640 size-full" src="https://cdn.fournine.net/uploads/2021/06/dainis-graveris-xYcrY_EqkJs-unsplash.jpeg" alt="sex" width="1920" height="1281" /> "Definitely not as frequent as our first year together", reveals one Reddit user (Credit: Unsplash)[/caption]
<h3>8. "I'm satisfied with it"</h3>
"About once a week. We've been together about 6.5 years, and our frequency is much lower than when we first got together, but much higher than it was a year or two ago," says an <a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskWomen/comments/4xewl4/how_often_do_you_and_your_so_have_sex/d6ev6ps?utm_source=share&amp;utm_medium=web2x&amp;context=3" target="_blank" rel="noopener">anonymous Reddit user</a>. "I'm satisfied with it, and my husband would be happy if it increased but is fine with how it is currently."
<p style="text-align: center;"><strong>READ MORE: <a href="https://fournine.net/coconut-oil-used-lube">5 everyday items that are safe to use when you run out of lubricant</a></strong></p>

<h3>9. "I'm starting to really not be ok with it"</h3>
"We've been together 3 1/2 years and on average it's about once or twice a week. It's gone down a lot in frequency and I'm starting to really not be ok with it," dishes <a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskWomen/comments/4xewl4/how_often_do_you_and_your_so_have_sex/d6euypv?utm_source=share&amp;utm_medium=web2x&amp;context=3" target="_blank" rel="noopener">connieC60</a>.

[caption id="attachment_12631641" align="alignnone" width="1920"]<img class="wp-image-12631641 size-full" src="https://cdn.fournine.net/uploads/2021/06/womanizer-wow-tech-1e3-lYkJsfs-unsplash-1.jpeg" alt="sex" width="1920" height="1280" /> Some couples have more sex than others, and that's completely normal! (Credit: Unsplash)[/caption]
<h3>10. "Frequency has gone up and down a lot"</h3>
"I bought a box of 144 condoms just over two years ago and it's almost run out... so a bit less than 1.5 times per week, on average," writes an anonymous Reddit user. "We've been together nearly 10 years. Frequency has gone up and down a lot. We were long-distance for two years, so obviously not much then."
<h3>11. "We have sex when we feel like it"</h3>
"We've been together for 13 years. I honestly have no idea what the weekly average is. Sometimes we go 2-3 times in a week, sometimes we go 2 weeks without sex. We have sex when we feel like it," says <a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskWomen/comments/4xewl4/how_often_do_you_and_your_so_have_sex/d6ezu9w?utm_source=share&amp;utm_medium=web2x&amp;context=3" target="_blank" rel="noopener">kyren</a>. "Frequency has decreased from when we first met. But I'm not sure the libidos of two stressed-out 29-year-olds is going to match that of two 16-year-olds."
<h4>Feature image credit: Unsplash</h4>

<p>Ever compared your relationship to someone else's and wondered how often do other couples have sex? Well, you're not the only one.</p>
<p>By nature, we humans are perennially curious creatures, and we can't help but compare our libidos and bedroom habits to our peers.</p>
<p>So, how do you weigh up? Here's everything you need to know...</p>
<figure>
            <img class="wp-image-12631636 size-full" src="https://cdn.fournine.net/uploads/2021/06/taras-chernus-CFWgJgmm6p8-unsplash.jpeg" alt="How often do couples have sex?" width="1920" height="1280" /><figcaption class='op-vertical-below'>
<h1>

 Many of us can't help but compare our libidos and bedroom habits to our peers (Credit: Unsplash)</h1>
</figcaption></figure>
<h2>How often do couples have sex?</h2>
<p>According to a 2017 study in the <a href="https://link.springer.com/article/10.1007/s10508-017-0953-1" target="_blank" rel="noopener">Archives of Sexual Behaviour</a>, the average adult has sex 54 times a year, which roughly equates to once a week.</p>
<p>Surprisingly, things weren't always this way.</p>
<p style="text-align: center;"><strong>READ MORE: <a href="https://fournine.net/difference-water-based-lube-silicone-lubricant">Your guide to finding the best lube</a></strong></p>
<p>A <a href="https://link.springer.com/article/10.1007/s10508-017-0953-1" target="_blank" rel="noopener">similar study</a> conducted in the 1990s found that couples back then had, on average, nine per cent more sex each year.</p>
<p>Looks like things have changed over the last 20 years.</p>
<figure>
            <img class="wp-image-12631634 size-full" src="https://cdn.fournine.net/uploads/2021/06/alexander-krivitskiy-Wi80DmE9ybE-unsplash-scaled.jpeg" alt="How often do couples have sex?" width="1707" height="2560" /><figcaption class='op-vertical-below'>
<h1>

 The average adult has sex 54 times a year (Credit: Unsplash)</h1>
</figcaption></figure>
<h2>How often do men need sex?</h2>
<h2>How often do men need sex?</h2>
<p>There is no one right amount of sex that men "need". Getting in between the sheets is a deeply personal thing, and a number of factors can affect your sex drive, <a href="https://www.verywellhealth.com/how-often-do-couples-really-have-sex-2329045" target="_blank" rel="noopener">including</a> age, genetics, health, stress and mood.</p>
<p style="text-align: center;"><strong>READ MORE: <a href="https://fournine.net/health-beauty/how-apply-lubricants-females-vaginal-dryness" target="_blank" rel="noopener">9 tips for overcoming vaginal dryness and eradicating painful sex</a></strong></p>
<p>In our opinion, the happiest couples, and individuals, have sex approximately as often as they want to!</p>
<p>Regardless, several studies have shown that men, on average, have higher sex drives than women. But this, of course, varies from person to person.</p>
<p>Per <a href="https://www.webmd.com/sex/features/sex-drive-how-do-men-women-compare" target="_blank" rel="noopener">WebMD</a>, the majority of adult men under 60 think about sex at least once a day. Only one-quarter of women said that they think about it as frequently. Likewise, while both men and women fantasise less with age, men still fantasise around twice as often.</p>
<figure>
            <img class="wp-image-12631635 size-full" src="https://cdn.fournine.net/uploads/2021/06/becca-tapert-F0ZiHWliGGM-unsplash.jpeg" alt="sex" width="1920" height="1280" /><figcaption class='op-vertical-below'>
<h1>

 The happiest couples, and individuals, have sex approximately as often as they want to!(Credit: Unsplash)</h1>
</figcaption></figure>
<h2>Is once a month a sexless relationship?</h2>
<p>Technically speaking, a sexless relationship is defined as when a couple has sex less than once a month or less than 10 times a year, per <a href="https://www.everydayhealth.com/sexual-health/are-sexless-marriages-and-relationships-normal.aspx" target="_blank" rel="noopener">Everyday Health</a>.</p>
<p>However, sex is a highly personal matter — and depending on your personal circumstances, there are varying definitions of what constitutes a sexless relationship. To one couple, being "sexless" would mean not having sex for a year, and to another, it would be a week, or even a few days.</p>
<figure>
            <img class="wp-image-12631637 size-full" src="https://cdn.fournine.net/uploads/2021/06/dainis-graveris-RvPHgE_SknM-unsplash.jpeg" alt="sex" width="1920" height="1280" /><figcaption class='op-vertical-below'>
<h1>

 A sexless relationship is defined as when a couple has sex less than once a month (Credit: Unsplash)</h1>
</figcaption></figure>
<h2>What have real couples said about how often they have sex?</h2>
<p>To see just how much the sexual habits of couples vary, we took a look at Reddit and saw what real-life people have to say about their sex lives and how often they get it on...</p>
<h2>1. "Quality over quantity"</h2>
<p>"Once a week. We've been together for 16 years," dishes Reddit user, <a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskWomen/comments/4xewl4/how_often_do_you_and_your_so_have_sex/d6f1qh4?utm_source=share&amp;utm_medium=web2x&amp;context=3" target="_blank" rel="noopener">auntiechrist23</a>. "Quality over quantity. There's been times where there was more (a few times a day), and times where there was less (once a month). Long term relationships of over a decade have an ebb and flow when it comes to sex. There are times when you're more in love with each other, and times where you're better friends. Sometimes there's more sex, sometimes there's more intimacy. It's a very normal thing.</p>
<p style="text-align: center;"><strong>READ MORE: </strong><a href="https://fournine.net/water-based-lube-vs-oil-lubricants-sex" target="_blank" rel="noopener">Water-based lube vs oil – your guide to the best lubricants for sex</a></p>
<h2>2. "There isn't a fixed frequency"</h2>
<p>Reddit user, <a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskWomen/comments/4xewl4/how_often_do_you_and_your_so_have_sex/d6evp9l?utm_source=share&amp;utm_medium=web2x&amp;context=3" target="_blank" rel="noopener">msstark</a> writes: "It really varies, depending on how tired and stressed we are. We've been together five months, and sometimes it's twice a day, other times there's no sex for two weeks. There isn't a fixed frequency."</p>
<figure>
            <img class="wp-image-12631638 size-full" src="https://cdn.fournine.net/uploads/2021/06/jason-leung-Fg40FngCsu4-unsplash.jpeg" alt="sex" width="1920" height="1280" /><figcaption class='op-vertical-below'>
<h1>

 We took a look at Reddit and saw what real-life people have to say about their sex lives (Credit: Unsplash)</h1>
</figcaption></figure>
<h2>3. "It's been fairly consistent"</h2>
<p>5-10 times a week. He often gives me oral in the morning (multiple a week) so that easily increases it. At weekends sometimes we can have very long sessions or whole-day things, so I don't know how to count that. We can spend up to five hours on sex on a Saturday or Sunday," says <a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskWomen/comments/4xewl4/how_often_do_you_and_your_so_have_sex/d6fa2k9?utm_source=share&amp;utm_medium=web2x&amp;context=3" target="_blank" rel="noopener">mareenah</a>. "Together 8 years. Fluctuates a little based on how busy we are and if we're sick, but it's been fairly consistent."</p>
<h2>4. "It works"</h2>
<p>"We've been together almost 10 years, and we have sex about once a week," writes <a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskWomen/comments/4xewl4/how_often_do_you_and_your_so_have_sex/d6ewbt6?utm_source=share&amp;utm_medium=web2x&amp;context=3" target="_blank" rel="noopener">shoup88</a>. "Frequency has been pretty stable. I wish it was a little more, but it works."</p>
<h2>5. "It's been about the same since the beginning"</h2>
<p>Reddit user, <a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskWomen/comments/4xewl4/how_often_do_you_and_your_so_have_sex/d6f1iw7?utm_source=share&amp;utm_medium=web2x&amp;context=3" target="_blank" rel="noopener">Candothefrug</a>, says: "On average 5 times a week, varies from 4-8 times per week. We've been together nearly 10 years and have a kid and it's been about the same since the beginning."</p>
<figure>
            <img class="wp-image-12631639 size-full" src="https://cdn.fournine.net/uploads/2021/06/reproductive-health-supplies-coalition-YaY-MWSGQjI-unsplash.jpeg" alt="sex" width="1920" height="1442" /><figcaption class='op-vertical-below'>
<h1>

 One Reddit user said: "It's been about the same since the beginning" (Credit: Unsplash)</h1>
</figcaption></figure>
<h2>6. 'It's definitely decreased a lot since he took this job"</h2>
<p>"2-3 times a month when he's on a big job at work because he's operating on stress and very little sleep. When work is slow, maybe once a week. We've been together 3.5 years, living together 2.5 years. It's definitely decreased a lot since he took this job," reveals <a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskWomen/comments/4xewl4/how_often_do_you_and_your_so_have_sex/d6eurca?utm_source=share&amp;utm_medium=web2x&amp;context=3" target="_blank" rel="noopener">snapkangaroo</a>.</p>
<h2>7. "Definitely not as frequent as our first year together"</h2>
<p>"2-4 times a week. Been together almost 7 years. Definitely not as frequent as our first year together when we were 18-year-old college freshmen in a dorm with no roommates," writes <a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskWomen/comments/4xewl4/how_often_do_you_and_your_so_have_sex/d6ev33h?utm_source=share&amp;utm_medium=web2x&amp;context=3" target="_blank" rel="noopener">thunderling</a>.</p>
<figure>
            <img class="wp-image-12631640 size-full" src="https://cdn.fournine.net/uploads/2021/06/dainis-graveris-xYcrY_EqkJs-unsplash.jpeg" alt="sex" width="1920" height="1281" /><figcaption class='op-vertical-below'>
<h1>

 "Definitely not as frequent as our first year together", reveals one Reddit user (Credit: Unsplash)</h1>
</figcaption></figure>
<h2>8. "I'm satisfied with it"</h2>
<p>"About once a week. We've been together about 6.5 years, and our frequency is much lower than when we first got together, but much higher than it was a year or two ago," says an <a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskWomen/comments/4xewl4/how_often_do_you_and_your_so_have_sex/d6ev6ps?utm_source=share&amp;utm_medium=web2x&amp;context=3" target="_blank" rel="noopener">anonymous Reddit user</a>. "I'm satisfied with it, and my husband would be happy if it increased but is fine with how it is currently."</p>
<p style="text-align: center;"><strong>READ MORE: <a href="https://fournine.net/coconut-oil-used-lube">5 everyday items that are safe to use when you run out of lubricant</a></strong></p>
<h2>9. "I'm starting to really not be ok with it"</h2>
<p>"We've been together 3 1/2 years and on average it's about once or twice a week. It's gone down a lot in frequency and I'm starting to really not be ok with it," dishes <a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskWomen/comments/4xewl4/how_often_do_you_and_your_so_have_sex/d6euypv?utm_source=share&amp;utm_medium=web2x&amp;context=3" target="_blank" rel="noopener">connieC60</a>.</p>
<figure>
            <img class="wp-image-12631641 size-full" src="https://cdn.fournine.net/uploads/2021/06/womanizer-wow-tech-1e3-lYkJsfs-unsplash-1.jpeg" alt="sex" width="1920" height="1280" /><figcaption class='op-vertical-below'>
<h1>

 Some couples have more sex than others, and that's completely normal! (Credit: Unsplash)</h1>
</figcaption></figure>
<h2>10. "Frequency has gone up and down a lot"</h2>
<p>"I bought a box of 144 condoms just over two years ago and it's almost run out... so a bit less than 1.5 times per week, on average," writes an anonymous Reddit user. "We've been together nearly 10 years. Frequency has gone up and down a lot. We were long-distance for two years, so obviously not much then."</p>
<h2>11. "We have sex when we feel like it"</h2>
<p>"We've been together for 13 years. I honestly have no idea what the weekly average is. Sometimes we go 2-3 times in a week, sometimes we go 2 weeks without sex. We have sex when we feel like it," says <a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskWomen/comments/4xewl4/how_often_do_you_and_your_so_have_sex/d6ezu9w?utm_source=share&amp;utm_medium=web2x&amp;context=3" target="_blank" rel="noopener">kyren</a>. "Frequency has decreased from when we first met. But I'm not sure the libidos of two stressed-out 29-year-olds is going to match that of two 16-year-olds."</p>
<h2>Feature image credit: Unsplash</h2>


How often do couples have sex? Relationship study reveals what's really going on in the bedroom

Last week, Modibodi, which specialises in reusable leak-proof underwear for periods and incontinence, angered customers by using the term "menstruating person" rather than "women" — in a bid to be more inclusive.

The outraged party, who voiced their grievances on <a href="https://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-9672857/Modibodi-angers-customers-referring-menstruating-person-instead-woman.html" target="_blank" rel="noopener">Mumsnet</a>, denounced the move as "dangerous", "offensive" and designed to "erase women". Others, however, said that taking issue with the wording was "transphobic".

Dr Jane Hamlin, who is the president of the <a href="https://www.beaumontsociety.org.uk/" target="_blank" rel="noopener">Beaumont Society</a> — the longest established support group in the UK for transgender people and their families — tells <strong>Four Nine</strong> that the use of the term was "very progressive", but that the backlash from women has been damaging.

[caption id="attachment_12631636" align="alignnone" width="1695"]<img class="wp-image-12631636 size-full" src="https://img.fournine.net/2021/06/inciclo-dGeJNL7Pl6o-unsplash-scaled-e1623937596734.jpeg" alt="menstruation (Credit: Unsplash)" width="1695" height="1388" /> It's time we changed our language when it comes to gender and periods (Credit: Unsplash)[/caption]

"It seemed like a positive step forward, because it's inclusive of trans men, non-binary people – who were originally assigned female at birth, and intersex people, who may menstruate but wouldn't necessarily describe themselves as women," explains Hamlin —  a transgender woman, who began her transition 10 years ago.

Per period and ovulation tracker, <a href="https://helloclue.com/articles/cycle-a-z/talking-about-periods-beyond-gender" target="_blank" rel="noopener">Clue</a>, all genders can menstruate. Anyone with a typically functioning uterus and vagina will have periods, regardless of what they identify as. For example, a trans man, who has a uterus and vagina, will menstruate, as a result of their biological reality.

<strong>READ MORE: </strong><span data-sheets-value="{&quot;1&quot;:2,&quot;2&quot;:&quot;The transgender military ban stopped me from serving with pride - that hurt more than anything\n&quot;}" data-sheets-userformat="{&quot;2&quot;:6723,&quot;3&quot;:{&quot;1&quot;:0},&quot;4&quot;:{&quot;1&quot;:2,&quot;2&quot;:16777215},&quot;9&quot;:0,&quot;12&quot;:0,&quot;14&quot;:{&quot;1&quot;:2,&quot;2&quot;:0},&quot;15&quot;:&quot;Arial&quot;}"><a href="https://fournine.net/transgender-military-ban-stopped-serving-pride"><strong>The transgender military ban stopped me from serving with pride</strong></a>
</span>

This is a fact that a section of the Mumsnet community has apparently neglected. One commentator wrote: "Erasing the word woman is immensely damaging because if you can't define what a woman is, then there is nothing that is exclusively for women." Another added, "Disgraceful. I was considering buying some too but I'll be looking elsewhere now. A menstruating person, I am not. This constant attempt to eradicate women is highly disturbing."

To this, Hamlin comments: "Women were apparently outraged at the use of the word 'people', but that term is not erasing women. We are all people however we identify – and broadening terms to be more inclusive is helpful to everyone. People who menstruate already know who they are."

[caption id="attachment_12631637" align="alignnone" width="1535"]<img class="wp-image-12631637 size-full" src="https://img.fournine.net/2021/06/Untitled-design-1-16-1.jpeg" alt="period (Credit: Unsplash)" width="1535" height="800" /> Modibodi angered customers by using the term "menstruating person" instead of "women" (Credit: Unsplash)[/caption]

She continues to point out that, if anything, it is trans men — who menstruate — that have been erased as they are not included when we use the phrase "menstruating women".

"But things don't help the trans community if they provoke a backlash, that's the trouble," Hamlin continues. "I suspect the backlash is just another way at getting at trans people, and trying to create suspicion about transgender women, such as myself. No one is trying to erase women. We're trying to include everyone because we all deserve a place in society."

<strong>READ MORE: <a href="https://fournine.net/non-binary-aaliyah-ramsey-trolls-representation">Non-binary influencer discusses overcoming abusive trolls to fight for representation </a></strong>

For its part, Modibodi has never said that it is solely a brand for those who identify as female. A statement on its website <a href="https://www.modibodi.co.uk/pages/founder-story" target="_blank" rel="noopener">reads</a>: "The vision began to build a brand that makes the world better by empowering every bodi to make real, positive change."

In 2015, the brand launched a maternity and perspiration range  — the latter, as well as their incontinence offerings, can of course be used by every gender.

[caption id="attachment_12631638" align="alignnone" width="1920"]<img class="wp-image-12631638 size-full" src="https://img.fournine.net/2021/06/erol-ahmed-fhWNnHmW40Y-unsplash.jpeg" alt="period (Credit: Unsplash)" width="1920" height="2400" /> No one is trying to erase women (Credit: Unsplash)[/caption]

Responding to the backlash on Menstrual Health Day, Modibodi's CEO and founder, Kristy Chong, released a <a href="https://twitter.com/Modibodi/status/1398158688037212168?s=20">statement</a>:
<blockquote><em>"We refer to both women and girls with periods and ‘people who menstruate’ at Modibodi. We stand by our position to use “people who menstruate” because we always strive to be as inclusive as possible in our communication language to avoid gender-biased expressions or expressions that reinforce gender stereotypes.</em>

<em>"We acknowledge language around gender identity is constantly evolving, and we’re open to learning, and value our community feedback about our language choices and how they make them feel."</em></blockquote>
This is a message that Hamlin wholeheartedly agrees with, as she concludes: "It's positive that organisations like Modibodi are trying to prevent friction, but it's really sad that some people are creating more issues where others are just trying to smooth things."
<h4>Feature image credit: Unsplash</h4>

<p>Last week, Modibodi, which specialises in reusable leak-proof underwear for periods and incontinence, angered customers by using the term "menstruating person" rather than "women" — in a bid to be more inclusive.</p>
<p>The outraged party, who voiced their grievances on <a href="https://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-9672857/Modibodi-angers-customers-referring-menstruating-person-instead-woman.html" target="_blank" rel="noopener">Mumsnet</a>, denounced the move as "dangerous", "offensive" and designed to "erase women". Others, however, said that taking issue with the wording was "transphobic".</p>
<p>Dr Jane Hamlin, who is the president of the <a href="https://www.beaumontsociety.org.uk/" target="_blank" rel="noopener">Beaumont Society</a> — the longest established support group in the UK for transgender people and their families — tells <strong>Four Nine</strong> that the use of the term was "very progressive", but that the backlash from women has been damaging.</p>
<figure>
            <img class="wp-image-12631636 size-full" src="https://img.fournine.net/2021/06/inciclo-dGeJNL7Pl6o-unsplash-scaled-e1623937596734.jpeg" alt="menstruation (Credit: Unsplash)" width="1695" height="1388" /><figcaption class='op-vertical-below'>
<h1>

 It's time we changed our language when it comes to gender and periods (Credit: Unsplash)</h1>
</figcaption></figure>
<p>"It seemed like a positive step forward, because it's inclusive of trans men, non-binary people – who were originally assigned female at birth, and intersex people, who may menstruate but wouldn't necessarily describe themselves as women," explains Hamlin —  a transgender woman, who began her transition 10 years ago.</p>
<p>Per period and ovulation tracker, <a href="https://helloclue.com/articles/cycle-a-z/talking-about-periods-beyond-gender" target="_blank" rel="noopener">Clue</a>, all genders can menstruate. Anyone with a typically functioning uterus and vagina will have periods, regardless of what they identify as. For example, a trans man, who has a uterus and vagina, will menstruate, as a result of their biological reality.</p>
<p><strong>READ MORE: </strong><a href="https://fournine.net/transgender-military-ban-stopped-serving-pride"><strong>The transgender military ban stopped me from serving with pride</strong></a></p>
<p>This is a fact that a section of the Mumsnet community has apparently neglected. One commentator wrote: "Erasing the word woman is immensely damaging because if you can't define what a woman is, then there is nothing that is exclusively for women." Another added, "Disgraceful. I was considering buying some too but I'll be looking elsewhere now. A menstruating person, I am not. This constant attempt to eradicate women is highly disturbing."</p>
<p>To this, Hamlin comments: "Women were apparently outraged at the use of the word 'people', but that term is not erasing women. We are all people however we identify – and broadening terms to be more inclusive is helpful to everyone. People who menstruate already know who they are."</p>
<figure>
            <img class="wp-image-12631637 size-full" src="https://img.fournine.net/2021/06/Untitled-design-1-16-1.jpeg" alt="period (Credit: Unsplash)" width="1535" height="800" /><figcaption class='op-vertical-below'>
<h1>

 Modibodi angered customers by using the term "menstruating person" instead of "women" (Credit: Unsplash)</h1>
</figcaption></figure>
<p>She continues to point out that, if anything, it is trans men — who menstruate — that have been erased as they are not included when we use the phrase "menstruating women".</p>
<p>"But things don't help the trans community if they provoke a backlash, that's the trouble," Hamlin continues. "I suspect the backlash is just another way at getting at trans people, and trying to create suspicion about transgender women, such as myself. No one is trying to erase women. We're trying to include everyone because we all deserve a place in society."</p>
<p><strong>READ MORE: <a href="https://fournine.net/non-binary-aaliyah-ramsey-trolls-representation">Non-binary influencer discusses overcoming abusive trolls to fight for representation </a></strong></p>
<p>For its part, Modibodi has never said that it is solely a brand for those who identify as female. A statement on its website <a href="https://www.modibodi.co.uk/pages/founder-story" target="_blank" rel="noopener">reads</a>: "The vision began to build a brand that makes the world better by empowering every bodi to make real, positive change."</p>
<p>In 2015, the brand launched a maternity and perspiration range  — the latter, as well as their incontinence offerings, can of course be used by every gender.</p>
<figure>
            <img class="wp-image-12631638 size-full" src="https://img.fournine.net/2021/06/erol-ahmed-fhWNnHmW40Y-unsplash.jpeg" alt="period (Credit: Unsplash)" width="1920" height="2400" /><figcaption class='op-vertical-below'>
<h1>

 No one is trying to erase women (Credit: Unsplash)</h1>
</figcaption></figure>
<p>Responding to the backlash on Menstrual Health Day, Modibodi's CEO and founder, Kristy Chong, released a <a href="https://twitter.com/Modibodi/status/1398158688037212168?s=20">statement</a>:</p>
<blockquote><p><em>"We refer to both women and girls with periods and ‘people who menstruate’ at Modibodi. We stand by our position to use “people who menstruate” because we always strive to be as inclusive as possible in our communication language to avoid gender-biased expressions or expressions that reinforce gender stereotypes.</em></p>
<p><em>"We acknowledge language around gender identity is constantly evolving, and we’re open to learning, and value our community feedback about our language choices and how they make them feel."</em></p></blockquote>
<p>This is a message that Hamlin wholeheartedly agrees with, as she concludes: "It's positive that organisations like Modibodi are trying to prevent friction, but it's really sad that some people are creating more issues where others are just trying to smooth things."</p>
<h2>Feature image credit: Unsplash</h2>


Why using the term 'menstruating person' isn't replacing women – this anger needs to stop

Today marks a month of celebrations for the LGBTQ+ community — but what is Pride Month, and the history behind it?

It is celebrated each year to honour those who identify as LGBTQ+,  and anyone can be involved regardless of their sexual orientation — as long as they are an ally.

So, in honour of Pride Month, we take a look back at the historic Stonewall Riots...

[caption id="attachment_12631435" align="alignnone" width="1669"]<img class="wp-image-12631435 size-full" src="https://cdn.fournine.net/uploads/2021/06/sara-rampazzo-GyPw0jMAI1I-unsplash-scaled-e1622544240990.jpeg" alt="What is Pride Month?" width="1669" height="1472" /> Today marks the start of Pride Month 2021 (Credit: Unsplash)[/caption]
<h2>What is Pride Month?</h2>
Pride Month takes place every June and is a celebration of LGBTQ+ communities from all around the world.

It is celebrated specifically in June to honour the people who bravely took part in the 1969 Stonewall Riots in Manhattan. The protests against New York police changed gay rights for LGBTQ+ people in the United States and beyond.

The following year, the first Pride Month was held in 1970. Since then, it's been celebrated every June to educate people about pride history, teach tolerance and remind everyone of how dangerous homophobia is.

[caption id="attachment_12631436" align="alignnone" width="1920"]<img class="wp-image-12631436 size-full" src="https://cdn.fournine.net/uploads/2021/06/mercedes-mehling-7J7x8HLXQKA-unsplash.jpeg" alt="What is Pride Month?" width="1920" height="1280" /> Pride Month is a celebration of the LGBTQ+ community. (Credit: Alamy)[/caption]
<h2>What caused the Stonewall Riots?</h2>
The Stonewall Riots were a series of <a href="https://www.history.com/topics/gay-rights/the-stonewall-riots" target="_blank" rel="noopener">spontaneous protests</a> that started on June 28, 1969, in response to a police raid at a bar called the Stonewall Inn. The hangout, which was situated in the Greenwich Village neighbourhood, served as a safe space for LGBTQ+ people.

At the time, gay Americans faced an <a href="https://www.nytimes.com/2019/06/19/us/legal-history-lgbtq-rights-timeline.html" target="_blank" rel="noopener">anti-gay legal system</a>. Homosexual acts were illegal in almost every state, and bars and restaurants could be shut down for having gay employees or serving gay individuals.

However, when police attempted to raid the Stonewall Inn on that particular night, members of the LGBTQ community decided to fight back. This started an uprising, which turned into a new era of resistance against homophobia and intolerance.

The Stonewall Riots lasted for five days.

[caption id="attachment_12631441" align="alignnone" width="1920"]<img class="wp-image-12631441 size-full" src="https://cdn.fournine.net/uploads/2021/06/margaux-bellott-r5tmUSupJwA-unsplash.jpeg" alt="What is Pride Month?" width="1920" height="1280" /> The Stonewall Riots were a series of spontaneous protests sparked by members of the LGBT+ community. (Credit: Alamy)[/caption]
<h2>What happened at the Stonewall Riots?</h2>
The Stonewall Inn was packed out when eight undercover police officers entered the bar. As they walked in, they proceeded to single out LGBTQ+ patrons, targeting drag queens and other cross-dressing individuals in particular. In New York City at the time, it was <a href="https://www.history.com/news/stonewall-riots-lgbtq-drag-three-article-rule" target="_blank" rel="noopener">illegal to "masquerade"</a> as a member of the opposite sex.

More NYPD police officers arrived at the scene as bar patrons who managed to escape joined the growing crowd of spectators outside the front door. Law enforcement then started loading Stonewall employees and drag queens inside police vehicles. In total, they arrested <a href="https://www.etonline.com/pride-month-how-it-started-and-how-to-celebrate-166317" target="_blank" rel="noopener">13 people</a>.

While accounts vary as to what exactly kicked off the riots, eyewitness reports reach some consensus that the crowd erupted after police began to get aggressive. One officer hit one woman on the head and then applied handcuff so tightly to her wrists that she was in pain. The female, who was later identified as Stormé DeLarverie, then turned to the crowd and pleaded for them to do something. As she was then hurled into the back of a police van, the people decided it was time to fight back.

The crowd reportedly started yelling "pigs" and "copper" at the police before throwing pennies at them. This was followed by more violence, including hurling bottles, slashing the tires of the police vans, and making impromptu firebombs. The mob, which kept growing, eventually forced the initial NYPD officers into retreat into the Stonewall bar.

Speaking about the infamous night, Mark Segal <a href="https://www.etonline.com/pride-month-how-it-started-and-how-to-celebrate-166317" target="_blank" rel="noopener">recalled</a>: "That night in June of 1969, we felt rage at the police. We were enraged because, in a sense, 2,000 years of repression built up in us. And the New York City Police Department that night, when they violently came into Stonewall and beat people up against the wall and extorted money from people, got us angry."

"And it was that night that we said to the police, 'We are taking our street back. This is our neighborhood. You are no longer going to control us,'" he added. "You’re no longer going to dominate us. We’re going to create our identity. We’re going to create a community where you wouldn’t allow us to have community."

[caption id="attachment_12631440" align="alignnone" width="1920"]<img class="wp-image-12631440 size-full" src="https://cdn.fournine.net/uploads/2021/06/teddy-osterblom-owiVf9bFKHM-unsplash.jpeg" alt="What is Pride Month?" width="1920" height="2400" /> (Credit: Unsplash)[/caption]
<h2>Did anyone die in the Stonewall Riots?</h2>
Surprisingly, no one died in the Stonewall Riots, and no one was critically injured either. But a few members of law enforcement did report some injuries.

However, on the second night of rioting, a mob swarmed a cab on Christopher Street. They proceeded to rock it back and forth. The driver later died that night from an <a href="https://dv2oc5tyj18yr.cloudfront.net/wp-content/blogs.dir/2/files/2019/05/stonewallfactsheet-1.pdf" target="_blank" rel="noopener">alleged heart attack</a>.
<h2>Why were the Stonewall Riots a turning point?</h2>
The Stonewall riots were a turning point for gay rights as they led to the founding of hundreds of new LGBTQ+ civil rights organisations across the country and around the world.

While it was not the start of the modern gay rights movement, its impact can be felt today. Earlier organisations like the <a href="https://time.com/longform/mattachine-society/" target="_blank" rel="noopener">Mattachine Society</a> gave way to more radical groups such as the Gay Liberation Front (GLF) and the Gay Activists Alliance (GAA).

[caption id="attachment_12631438" align="alignnone" width="2560"]<img class="wp-image-12631438 size-full" src="https://cdn.fournine.net/uploads/2021/06/CMAXMG-scaled.jpeg" alt="What is Pride Month?" width="2560" height="1707" /> The Stonewall riots were a turning point for gay rights. (Credit: Alamy)[/caption]
<h2>Does Stonewall still exist?</h2>
Sadly, the Stonewall Inn folded shortly after the uprising. It was rented out to different businesses over the years, including a Chinese restaurant, a bagel shop, and a clothing store.

Another bar named Stonewall operated from 1987 to 1989 out of Christopher Street. When it closed, the historical vertical sign was removed.
<h2>What does Pride stand for?</h2>
Pride stands for "<a href="https://lgbt.ucsf.edu/pride-values" target="_blank" rel="noopener">Personal Rights in Defense and Education</a>". The first Pride organisation was founded in Los Angeles, California, by Steve Ginsburg.

The notion of Pride revolves around being proud of your sexual identity, instead of experiencing shame and social stigma.

[caption id="attachment_12631437" align="alignnone" width="1920"]<img class="wp-image-12631437 size-full" src="https://cdn.fournine.net/uploads/2021/06/yoav-hornung-_FlNNNDezuw-unsplash.jpeg" alt="What is Pride Month?" width="1920" height="1140" /> Pride stands for "Personal Rights in Defense and Education". (Credit: Alamy)[/caption]
<h2>Where did the rainbow flag come from?</h2>
The rainbow flag was first designed by the artist, <a href="https://gilbertbaker.com/rainblow-flag-color-meanings/" target="_blank" rel="noopener">Gilbert Baker</a>, in 1978. He was an openly gay man and a drag queen.

Baker later revealed that he was told by <a href="https://gilbertbaker.com/rainblow-flag-color-meanings/" target="_blank" rel="noopener">Harvey Milk</a> — one of the first openly gay elected politicians in the US — to create a symbol of pride for the gay community. He saw the rainbow as a natural flag from the sky, so he painted eight colours to represent the stripes, and each had their own meaning.

Hot pink for sex, red for life, orange for healing, yellow for sunlight, green for nature, turquoise for art, indigo for harmony, and violet for spirit.
<h4>Feature image credit: Alamy</h4>

<p>Today marks a month of celebrations for the LGBTQ+ community — but what is Pride Month, and the history behind it?</p>
<p>It is celebrated each year to honour those who identify as LGBTQ+,  and anyone can be involved regardless of their sexual orientation — as long as they are an ally.</p>
<p>So, in honour of Pride Month, we take a look back at the historic Stonewall Riots...</p>
<figure>
            <img class="wp-image-12631435 size-full" src="https://cdn.fournine.net/uploads/2021/06/sara-rampazzo-GyPw0jMAI1I-unsplash-scaled-e1622544240990.jpeg" alt="What is Pride Month?" width="1669" height="1472" /><figcaption class='op-vertical-below'>
<h1>

 Today marks the start of Pride Month 2021 (Credit: Unsplash)</h1>
</figcaption></figure>
<h2>What is Pride Month?</h2>
<p>Pride Month takes place every June and is a celebration of LGBTQ+ communities from all around the world.</p>
<p>It is celebrated specifically in June to honour the people who bravely took part in the 1969 Stonewall Riots in Manhattan. The protests against New York police changed gay rights for LGBTQ+ people in the United States and beyond.</p>
<p>The following year, the first Pride Month was held in 1970. Since then, it's been celebrated every June to educate people about pride history, teach tolerance and remind everyone of how dangerous homophobia is.</p>
<figure>
            <img class="wp-image-12631436 size-full" src="https://cdn.fournine.net/uploads/2021/06/mercedes-mehling-7J7x8HLXQKA-unsplash.jpeg" alt="What is Pride Month?" width="1920" height="1280" /><figcaption class='op-vertical-below'>
<h1>

 Pride Month is a celebration of the LGBTQ+ community. (Credit: Alamy)</h1>
</figcaption></figure>
<h2>What caused the Stonewall Riots?</h2>
<p>The Stonewall Riots were a series of <a href="https://www.history.com/topics/gay-rights/the-stonewall-riots" target="_blank" rel="noopener">spontaneous protests</a> that started on June 28, 1969, in response to a police raid at a bar called the Stonewall Inn. The hangout, which was situated in the Greenwich Village neighbourhood, served as a safe space for LGBTQ+ people.</p>
<p>At the time, gay Americans faced an <a href="https://www.nytimes.com/2019/06/19/us/legal-history-lgbtq-rights-timeline.html" target="_blank" rel="noopener">anti-gay legal system</a>. Homosexual acts were illegal in almost every state, and bars and restaurants could be shut down for having gay employees or serving gay individuals.</p>
<p>However, when police attempted to raid the Stonewall Inn on that particular night, members of the LGBTQ community decided to fight back. This started an uprising, which turned into a new era of resistance against homophobia and intolerance.</p>
<p>The Stonewall Riots lasted for five days.</p>
<figure>
            <img class="wp-image-12631441 size-full" src="https://cdn.fournine.net/uploads/2021/06/margaux-bellott-r5tmUSupJwA-unsplash.jpeg" alt="What is Pride Month?" width="1920" height="1280" /><figcaption class='op-vertical-below'>
<h1>

 The Stonewall Riots were a series of spontaneous protests sparked by members of the LGBT+ community. (Credit: Alamy)</h1>
</figcaption></figure>
<h2>What happened at the Stonewall Riots?</h2>
<p>The Stonewall Inn was packed out when eight undercover police officers entered the bar. As they walked in, they proceeded to single out LGBTQ+ patrons, targeting drag queens and other cross-dressing individuals in particular. In New York City at the time, it was <a href="https://www.history.com/news/stonewall-riots-lgbtq-drag-three-article-rule" target="_blank" rel="noopener">illegal to "masquerade"</a> as a member of the opposite sex.</p>
<p>More NYPD police officers arrived at the scene as bar patrons who managed to escape joined the growing crowd of spectators outside the front door. Law enforcement then started loading Stonewall employees and drag queens inside police vehicles. In total, they arrested <a href="https://www.etonline.com/pride-month-how-it-started-and-how-to-celebrate-166317" target="_blank" rel="noopener">13 people</a>.</p>
<p>While accounts vary as to what exactly kicked off the riots, eyewitness reports reach some consensus that the crowd erupted after police began to get aggressive. One officer hit one woman on the head and then applied handcuff so tightly to her wrists that she was in pain. The female, who was later identified as Stormé DeLarverie, then turned to the crowd and pleaded for them to do something. As she was then hurled into the back of a police van, the people decided it was time to fight back.</p>
<p>The crowd reportedly started yelling "pigs" and "copper" at the police before throwing pennies at them. This was followed by more violence, including hurling bottles, slashing the tires of the police vans, and making impromptu firebombs. The mob, which kept growing, eventually forced the initial NYPD officers into retreat into the Stonewall bar.</p>
<p>Speaking about the infamous night, Mark Segal <a href="https://www.etonline.com/pride-month-how-it-started-and-how-to-celebrate-166317" target="_blank" rel="noopener">recalled</a>: "That night in June of 1969, we felt rage at the police. We were enraged because, in a sense, 2,000 years of repression built up in us. And the New York City Police Department that night, when they violently came into Stonewall and beat people up against the wall and extorted money from people, got us angry."</p>
<p>"And it was that night that we said to the police, 'We are taking our street back. This is our neighborhood. You are no longer going to control us,'" he added. "You’re no longer going to dominate us. We’re going to create our identity. We’re going to create a community where you wouldn’t allow us to have community."</p>
<figure>
            <img class="wp-image-12631440 size-full" src="https://cdn.fournine.net/uploads/2021/06/teddy-osterblom-owiVf9bFKHM-unsplash.jpeg" alt="What is Pride Month?" width="1920" height="2400" /><figcaption class='op-vertical-below'>
<h1>

 (Credit: Unsplash)</h1>
</figcaption></figure>
<h2>Did anyone die in the Stonewall Riots?</h2>
<p>Surprisingly, no one died in the Stonewall Riots, and no one was critically injured either. But a few members of law enforcement did report some injuries.</p>
<p>However, on the second night of rioting, a mob swarmed a cab on Christopher Street. They proceeded to rock it back and forth. The driver later died that night from an <a href="https://dv2oc5tyj18yr.cloudfront.net/wp-content/blogs.dir/2/files/2019/05/stonewallfactsheet-1.pdf" target="_blank" rel="noopener">alleged heart attack</a>.</p>
<h2>Why were the Stonewall Riots a turning point?</h2>
<p>The Stonewall riots were a turning point for gay rights as they led to the founding of hundreds of new LGBTQ+ civil rights organisations across the country and around the world.</p>
<p>While it was not the start of the modern gay rights movement, its impact can be felt today. Earlier organisations like the <a href="https://time.com/longform/mattachine-society/" target="_blank" rel="noopener">Mattachine Society</a> gave way to more radical groups such as the Gay Liberation Front (GLF) and the Gay Activists Alliance (GAA).</p>
<figure>
            <img class="wp-image-12631438 size-full" src="https://cdn.fournine.net/uploads/2021/06/CMAXMG-scaled.jpeg" alt="What is Pride Month?" width="2560" height="1707" /><figcaption class='op-vertical-below'>
<h1>

 The Stonewall riots were a turning point for gay rights. (Credit: Alamy)</h1>
</figcaption></figure>
<h2>Does Stonewall still exist?</h2>
<p>Sadly, the Stonewall Inn folded shortly after the uprising. It was rented out to different businesses over the years, including a Chinese restaurant, a bagel shop, and a clothing store.</p>
<p>Another bar named Stonewall operated from 1987 to 1989 out of Christopher Street. When it closed, the historical vertical sign was removed.</p>
<h2>What does Pride stand for?</h2>
<p>Pride stands for "<a href="https://lgbt.ucsf.edu/pride-values" target="_blank" rel="noopener">Personal Rights in Defense and Education</a>". The first Pride organisation was founded in Los Angeles, California, by Steve Ginsburg.</p>
<p>The notion of Pride revolves around being proud of your sexual identity, instead of experiencing shame and social stigma.</p>
<figure>
            <img class="wp-image-12631437 size-full" src="https://cdn.fournine.net/uploads/2021/06/yoav-hornung-_FlNNNDezuw-unsplash.jpeg" alt="What is Pride Month?" width="1920" height="1140" /><figcaption class='op-vertical-below'>
<h1>

 Pride stands for "Personal Rights in Defense and Education". (Credit: Alamy)</h1>
</figcaption></figure>
<h2>Where did the rainbow flag come from?</h2>
<p>The rainbow flag was first designed by the artist, <a href="https://gilbertbaker.com/rainblow-flag-color-meanings/" target="_blank" rel="noopener">Gilbert Baker</a>, in 1978. He was an openly gay man and a drag queen.</p>
<p>Baker later revealed that he was told by <a href="https://gilbertbaker.com/rainblow-flag-color-meanings/" target="_blank" rel="noopener">Harvey Milk</a> — one of the first openly gay elected politicians in the US — to create a symbol of pride for the gay community. He saw the rainbow as a natural flag from the sky, so he painted eight colours to represent the stripes, and each had their own meaning.</p>
<p>Hot pink for sex, red for life, orange for healing, yellow for sunlight, green for nature, turquoise for art, indigo for harmony, and violet for spirit.</p>
<h2>Feature image credit: Alamy</h2>


What is Pride Month? Why the Stonewall Riots were a turning point for LGBTQ+ civil rights

High-end sex party host Sarah Jane Banahan says that OnlyFans "saved her" during the COVID-19 pandemic.

Two years ago, she launched her After Dark parties, which charged guests around £250 a ticket. It was lucrative, sure, but above all, it was her passion. The 35-year-old tells me that she's always found her work in the adult industry to be liberating. "It's not always about sex," she says. "It's just people in a safe space that allows them to be who they want to be. That to me, is liberation. I can't get enough of it."

This all changed, however, when the UK's first national lockdown hit back in March. Banahan was forced to scrap her plans to take her sex parties abroad...

[caption id="attachment_12631100" align="alignnone" width="1707"]<img class="size-full wp-image-12631100" src="https://cdn.fournine.net/uploads/2021/02/SarahPR9-min-scaled.jpg" alt="OnlyFans" width="1707" height="2560" /> Sarah Jane Banahan has been attending sex parties for 10 years (Credit: Supplied)[/caption]
<h2>Pivoting to OnlyFans</h2>
"It's just sad," Banahan, who is a new representative for <a href="https://l.instagram.com/?u=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.mytabu.com%2F&amp;e=ATPhz6iD8qpYpHPYkzeTcr2uNJbU7Hsyf_W27fmcDT9h-IUMNbpfXuvRAIztXK7Qbsn6yXLxyu2AfzouOrw5Lg&amp;s=1" target="_blank" rel="noopener">mytabu</a>, continues. "I miss getting people together. It's the worst industry to be in because it's all about contact."

Luckily, the model had her OnlyFans to fall back on, which she said was a much-needed lifetime. She started building her presence on the popular content subscription service two years ago. At the time, she used it as her "bread and butter money", but when the Stay at Home order hit, it quickly became her main income - as it did for many people in the adult entertainment industry, which was greatly affected by Covid-19.
<p style="text-align: center;"><strong>READ MORE: <a href="https://fournine.net/pregnancy-discrimination-nearly-killed-baby-boss">Pregnancy discrimination nearly killed my baby – I'll never forgive my manager</a></strong></p>
"When my parties went, I was like 'Where am I going to get my income from? I didn't want to touch too much of my savings, so I had to put more work into my OnlyFans. I have a lot of regular fans, and it has been a life-saver."

[[instagramwidget||https://www.instagram.com/p/CLShGXcB5GG/]]
<h2>Hosting sex parties</h2>
Banahan has also been working on a book, about her near 10-years in the adult entertainment industry, and as a sex party host, which she says saw her go from "this shy girl" to a confident, sex-positive woman.

"I was a quiet girl, a really skinny teenager, and a late developer," she tells me. "I used to cry because my friends were on their period, and I hadn't got mine yet, and I used to wear socks in my bra because I was so flat-chested. Getting into the world of sex parties, then, was a way for Banahan to explore her fantasies, and this, in turn, led her to become more confident in herself.
<p style="text-align: center;"><strong>READ MORE: <a href="https://www.fournine.net/how-deal-toxic-family-members-coping-techniques">How to deal with toxic family members</a></strong></p>
"You just see people who are so liberated, and it's fantastic to watch. I'm not saying it's for everyone, but it's taught me to really love myself, and my body. It doesn't matter what shape I am. You see people from all different sizes, and sexy to me isn't about looking perfect, it's about confidence. I've learnt that it doesn't come from your look, it comes from how you feel. It's cool."

[caption id="attachment_12631099" align="aligncenter" width="509"]<img class="wp-image-12631099 " src="https://cdn.fournine.net/uploads/2021/02/IMG_2862.jpg" alt="OnlyFans" width="509" height="763" /> Sarah Jane says attending sex parties increased her confidence (Credit: Supplied)[/caption]
<h2>Boundaries and safe experiences</h2>
Still, Banahan's involvement in her sex parties has changed. While she used to participate, she tells me how a previous relationship, which was toxic, led her to strike out on her own.

"When I used to [run parties] with my ex, it wasn't nice because he wasn't trustworthy. At the same time as trying to host, I would be thinking 'Is he going to be loyal while I'm making a drink for a guest? It made me paranoid, and really messed up my mental health. You have to be able to trust your partner in things like these. Now, I don't play. It's business, not pleasure for me. I want everyone else to have a good time."

"I'm the most successful I've been since I went off on my own," she continues. "And that's me working without a man, and any other distractions."

Now, Banahan carefully vets the people she lets into her sex parties. She plans way ahead of time, looks up the individuals on social media, conducts several phone calls, and ensures she has a relationship with them so she knows what to expect. "I don't tend to just take on strangers if I don't know who they are, there's a process," she explains. "I have to make sure everybody's going to get on and that the crowd vibes."

Much of this is also up to the attendees. "It's all about trust," she stresses. For those who want to get involved in the sex party scene, Banahan says clear rules need to be set in place: "You've really got to be secure in yourselves. This isn't for insecure people at all. You have to be confident in your body, and your partner."

Now happily in a relationship with someone new, Banahan makes sure the boundaries are clear between her work and personal life too. "My partner doesn't attend my parties because it's work, and I keep that separate."

[[instagramwidget||https://www.instagram.com/p/CA_ZwHMJhcy/]]
<h2>OnlyFans saved me</h2>
While OnlyFans has been such a support to Banahan during the pandemic, her work within the adult entertainment industry is undergoing a shift. She tells me, that nearing 40, she's "over the sharing of [her] body".

"Hopefully, when the lockdown ends, I can start doing parties again. OnlyFans is a saviour, but at my age, I wanted to start putting my clothes back on. I feel like it's time for the next generation to come in and do what they want to do."

She will, however, always be an advocate. "If you don't have a banking job or a nine to five, you're not classed at normal. Who the hell wants to be normal? If you can make money off [sex work], and you're beautiful, smart with your money, and you enjoy it, why not? Sex work is work for me."

In fact, she sees herself becoming more of an educator in the upcoming years. "I want to share my experiences. I've done so much. Now, I want to start helping girls, or people who feel like they can't get out of the industry if they want to."

<p>High-end sex party host Sarah Jane Banahan says that OnlyFans "saved her" during the COVID-19 pandemic.</p>
<p>Two years ago, she launched her After Dark parties, which charged guests around £250 a ticket. It was lucrative, sure, but above all, it was her passion. The 35-year-old tells me that she's always found her work in the adult industry to be liberating. "It's not always about sex," she says. "It's just people in a safe space that allows them to be who they want to be. That to me, is liberation. I can't get enough of it."</p>
<p>This all changed, however, when the UK's first national lockdown hit back in March. Banahan was forced to scrap her plans to take her sex parties abroad...</p>
<figure>
            <img class="size-full wp-image-12631100" src="https://cdn.fournine.net/uploads/2021/02/SarahPR9-min-scaled.jpg" alt="OnlyFans" width="1707" height="2560" /><figcaption class='op-vertical-below'>
<h1>

 Sarah Jane Banahan has been attending sex parties for 10 years (Credit: Supplied)</h1>
</figcaption></figure>
<h2>Pivoting to OnlyFans</h2>
<p>"It's just sad," Banahan, who is a new representative for <a href="https://l.instagram.com/?u=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.mytabu.com%2F&amp;e=ATPhz6iD8qpYpHPYkzeTcr2uNJbU7Hsyf_W27fmcDT9h-IUMNbpfXuvRAIztXK7Qbsn6yXLxyu2AfzouOrw5Lg&amp;s=1" target="_blank" rel="noopener">mytabu</a>, continues. "I miss getting people together. It's the worst industry to be in because it's all about contact."</p>
<p>Luckily, the model had her OnlyFans to fall back on, which she said was a much-needed lifetime. She started building her presence on the popular content subscription service two years ago. At the time, she used it as her "bread and butter money", but when the Stay at Home order hit, it quickly became her main income - as it did for many people in the adult entertainment industry, which was greatly affected by Covid-19.</p>
<p style="text-align: center;"><strong>READ MORE: <a href="https://fournine.net/pregnancy-discrimination-nearly-killed-baby-boss">Pregnancy discrimination nearly killed my baby – I'll never forgive my manager</a></strong></p>
<p>"When my parties went, I was like 'Where am I going to get my income from? I didn't want to touch too much of my savings, so I had to put more work into my OnlyFans. I have a lot of regular fans, and it has been a life-saver."</p>
<figure class='op-interactive'>
              <blockquote class='instagram-media' data-instgrm-captioned data-instgrm-version='7'>
                <a href='https://www.instagram.com/p/CLShGXcB5GG/'></a>
                <p>A post shared by Instagram (@instagram)</p>
              </blockquote>
              <script async src='//platform.instagram.com/en_US/embeds.js'></script>
            </figure>
<h2>Hosting sex parties</h2>
<p>Banahan has also been working on a book, about her near 10-years in the adult entertainment industry, and as a sex party host, which she says saw her go from "this shy girl" to a confident, sex-positive woman.</p>
<p>"I was a quiet girl, a really skinny teenager, and a late developer," she tells me. "I used to cry because my friends were on their period, and I hadn't got mine yet, and I used to wear socks in my bra because I was so flat-chested. Getting into the world of sex parties, then, was a way for Banahan to explore her fantasies, and this, in turn, led her to become more confident in herself.</p>
<p style="text-align: center;"><strong>READ MORE: <a href="https://www.fournine.net/how-deal-toxic-family-members-coping-techniques">How to deal with toxic family members</a></strong></p>
<p>"You just see people who are so liberated, and it's fantastic to watch. I'm not saying it's for everyone, but it's taught me to really love myself, and my body. It doesn't matter what shape I am. You see people from all different sizes, and sexy to me isn't about looking perfect, it's about confidence. I've learnt that it doesn't come from your look, it comes from how you feel. It's cool."</p>
<figure>
            <img class="wp-image-12631099 " src="https://cdn.fournine.net/uploads/2021/02/IMG_2862.jpg" alt="OnlyFans" width="509" height="763" /><figcaption class='op-vertical-below'>
<h1>

 Sarah Jane says attending sex parties increased her confidence (Credit: Supplied)</h1>
</figcaption></figure>
<h2>Boundaries and safe experiences</h2>
<p>Still, Banahan's involvement in her sex parties has changed. While she used to participate, she tells me how a previous relationship, which was toxic, led her to strike out on her own.</p>
<p>"When I used to [run parties] with my ex, it wasn't nice because he wasn't trustworthy. At the same time as trying to host, I would be thinking 'Is he going to be loyal while I'm making a drink for a guest? It made me paranoid, and really messed up my mental health. You have to be able to trust your partner in things like these. Now, I don't play. It's business, not pleasure for me. I want everyone else to have a good time."</p>
<p>"I'm the most successful I've been since I went off on my own," she continues. "And that's me working without a man, and any other distractions."</p>
<p>Now, Banahan carefully vets the people she lets into her sex parties. She plans way ahead of time, looks up the individuals on social media, conducts several phone calls, and ensures she has a relationship with them so she knows what to expect. "I don't tend to just take on strangers if I don't know who they are, there's a process," she explains. "I have to make sure everybody's going to get on and that the crowd vibes."</p>
<p>Much of this is also up to the attendees. "It's all about trust," she stresses. For those who want to get involved in the sex party scene, Banahan says clear rules need to be set in place: "You've really got to be secure in yourselves. This isn't for insecure people at all. You have to be confident in your body, and your partner."</p>
<p>Now happily in a relationship with someone new, Banahan makes sure the boundaries are clear between her work and personal life too. "My partner doesn't attend my parties because it's work, and I keep that separate."</p>
<figure class='op-interactive'>
              <blockquote class='instagram-media' data-instgrm-captioned data-instgrm-version='7'>
                <a href='https://www.instagram.com/p/CA_ZwHMJhcy/'></a>
                <p>A post shared by Instagram (@instagram)</p>
              </blockquote>
              <script async src='//platform.instagram.com/en_US/embeds.js'></script>
            </figure>
<h2>OnlyFans saved me</h2>
<p>While OnlyFans has been such a support to Banahan during the pandemic, her work within the adult entertainment industry is undergoing a shift. She tells me, that nearing 40, she's "over the sharing of [her] body".</p>
<p>"Hopefully, when the lockdown ends, I can start doing parties again. OnlyFans is a saviour, but at my age, I wanted to start putting my clothes back on. I feel like it's time for the next generation to come in and do what they want to do."</p>
<p>She will, however, always be an advocate. "If you don't have a banking job or a nine to five, you're not classed at normal. Who the hell wants to be normal? If you can make money off [sex work], and you're beautiful, smart with your money, and you enjoy it, why not? Sex work is work for me."</p>
<p>In fact, she sees herself becoming more of an educator in the upcoming years. "I want to share my experiences. I've done so much. Now, I want to start helping girls, or people who feel like they can't get out of the industry if they want to."</p>


High-end sex party host reveals how OnlyFans saved her during Covid-19 lockdown

Model and influencer <a href="https://www.instagram.com/p/B8Y312HJ9Xt/">Aaliyah Ramsey</a> realised they are non-binary a little over a year ago.

Although the Internet hasn't always provided the safest space for the 21-year-old, it was conversations online that helped the social media star finally understand their gender identity after years of confusion.

"When I was younger, I always thought I should have been a boy," they tell me. "But I was comfortable with my body and anatomy. I never really understood where I stood with it until I saw non-binary people speaking up on Instagram...

"Having it become a conversation made me realise 'this is it', and that there might be other people who feel in touch with both the masculine and feminine side. It's so empowering to see people who are really comfortable being themselves."

[caption id="attachment_12631344" align="alignnone" width="1901"]<img class="size-full wp-image-12631344" src="https://cdn.fournine.net/uploads/2021/03/image003-scaled.jpg" alt="Aaliyah Ramsey" width="1901" height="2560" /> Aaliyah Ramsey is a Manchester-based model and influencer (Credit: Supplied)[/caption]
<h2>The importance of representation</h2>
Although Aaliyah has a huge presence on social media with an impressive following on Instagram, they have faced "loads" of online abuse, simply due to their outspoken nature. "Sometimes the things people say can be pretty painful," they sigh.

But the influencer views it as their duty to speak candidly about subjects that are close to their heart. In fact, throughout our conversation, they continually highlight the importance of conversation.
<p style="text-align: center;"><strong>READ MORE: <a href="https://fournine.net/transgender-military-ban-stopped-serving-pride">The transgender military ban stopped me from serving with pride</a>
</strong></p>
"The things I'm doing, and how I'm living is completely normal, and it's just not spoken about enough," Aaliyah continues. "I'd rather just have that conversation, and normalise it. If me being open on my platforms helps enable those conversations then that really helps outweigh the trolling."

Aaliyah explains that it's their goal to provide representation in the online community. This is something that was woefully lacking when they were growing up in Manchester, England. When I ask them if they felt represented as a young teenager, they reply: "Not at all.

"The only person I really looked up to who was talking about feminism was Miley Cyrus, and that was when she was just doing 'Free the Nipple' and growing out her body hair. There was very little representation otherwise."

[caption id="attachment_12631346" align="alignnone" width="1814"]<img class="wp-image-12631346 size-full" src="https://cdn.fournine.net/uploads/2021/03/image002-min.jpg" alt="Aaliyah Ramsey " width="1814" height="2539" /> Aaliyah realised they are non-binary a year ago (Credit: Supplied)[/caption]
<h2>'2021 is the year for speaking up!'</h2>
Even now, platforms such as Instagram and TikTok are not without their issues. As a mixed-race person, Aaliyah hardly sees any Black creators or feminists on the platform. "Even the Black feminists I follow and know are people I've had to find and do more research into," they explain. "I just see predominantly white people on my page, and the 'discover' section.''
<p style="text-align: center;"><strong>READ MORE: <a href="https://fournine.net/disability-inspired-vulnerable-samantha-renke">'Disability is nothing to be inspired by and labelling us vulnerable is dangerous'</a></strong></p>
When I ask Aaliyah if they see themselves as a role model, they are quick to point out that it's still a foreign concept. "It's a weird thing for me that word," they explain. "I can't imagine people looking at me and being like 'they're a role model'. But I guess I am, and that's what keeps me wanting to keep having these conversations. I'm glad to be someone that I wish I had when I was 15, or 16."

Still, they are optimistic about the future, especially given the changes they've already seen happening in 2021.

Aaliyah says that some of the discussions they've been having wouldn't have happened two years, or even a year ago. "2021 is definitely the year for people speaking up!"

[caption id="attachment_12631345" align="alignnone" width="1088"]<img class="wp-image-12631345 size-full" src="https://cdn.fournine.net/uploads/2021/03/image001-min.png" alt="Aaliyah Ramsey " width="1088" height="1398" /> The model's journey into feminism began with pop star, Miley Cyrus (Credit: Supplied)[/caption]
<h2>'Feminism is a lot more than gender'</h2>
Another issue close to Aaliyah's heart is feminism. However, they are quick to stress to me that they believe feminism is a lot more than gender.

"I feel like when I first got into feminism, I was thinking just about women, women, women," the 21-year-old tells me. " I wasn't even really thinking about the other aspects, including skin colour, or the privileges you have. And that's what I learnt the most – being intersectional."

Aaliyah goes on to reveal that their passion for feminism was actually inspired by their decision to grow their body hair. When they first decided to stop shaving their legs and armpits, Aaliyah admits they didn't realise how "empowering" it would feel to not subscribe to traditional beauty ideals.

"I stopped shaving my armpits when I was 16...and I thought 'wow that's so cool'," they add.

"My body hair is now one of my favourite parts of myself. It's how I started getting into feminism, and it represents what I stand for. Without saying it, my body hair shows that I don't support the engrained beauty standard. It speaks for me."

<p>Model and influencer <a href="https://www.instagram.com/p/B8Y312HJ9Xt/">Aaliyah Ramsey</a> realised they are non-binary a little over a year ago.</p>
<p>Although the Internet hasn't always provided the safest space for the 21-year-old, it was conversations online that helped the social media star finally understand their gender identity after years of confusion.</p>
<p>"When I was younger, I always thought I should have been a boy," they tell me. "But I was comfortable with my body and anatomy. I never really understood where I stood with it until I saw non-binary people speaking up on Instagram...</p>
<p>"Having it become a conversation made me realise 'this is it', and that there might be other people who feel in touch with both the masculine and feminine side. It's so empowering to see people who are really comfortable being themselves."</p>
<figure>
            <img class="size-full wp-image-12631344" src="https://cdn.fournine.net/uploads/2021/03/image003-scaled.jpg" alt="Aaliyah Ramsey" width="1901" height="2560" /><figcaption class='op-vertical-below'>
<h1>

 Aaliyah Ramsey is a Manchester-based model and influencer (Credit: Supplied)</h1>
</figcaption></figure>
<h2>The importance of representation</h2>
<p>Although Aaliyah has a huge presence on social media with an impressive following on Instagram, they have faced "loads" of online abuse, simply due to their outspoken nature. "Sometimes the things people say can be pretty painful," they sigh.</p>
<p>But the influencer views it as their duty to speak candidly about subjects that are close to their heart. In fact, throughout our conversation, they continually highlight the importance of conversation.</p>
<p style="text-align: center;"><strong>READ MORE: <a href="https://fournine.net/transgender-military-ban-stopped-serving-pride">The transgender military ban stopped me from serving with pride</a><br />
</strong></p>
<p>"The things I'm doing, and how I'm living is completely normal, and it's just not spoken about enough," Aaliyah continues. "I'd rather just have that conversation, and normalise it. If me being open on my platforms helps enable those conversations then that really helps outweigh the trolling."</p>
<p>Aaliyah explains that it's their goal to provide representation in the online community. This is something that was woefully lacking when they were growing up in Manchester, England. When I ask them if they felt represented as a young teenager, they reply: "Not at all.</p>
<p>"The only person I really looked up to who was talking about feminism was Miley Cyrus, and that was when she was just doing 'Free the Nipple' and growing out her body hair. There was very little representation otherwise."</p>
<figure>
            <img class="wp-image-12631346 size-full" src="https://cdn.fournine.net/uploads/2021/03/image002-min.jpg" alt="Aaliyah Ramsey " width="1814" height="2539" /><figcaption class='op-vertical-below'>
<h1>

 Aaliyah realised they are non-binary a year ago (Credit: Supplied)</h1>
</figcaption></figure>
<h2>'2021 is the year for speaking up!'</h2>
<p>Even now, platforms such as Instagram and TikTok are not without their issues. As a mixed-race person, Aaliyah hardly sees any Black creators or feminists on the platform. "Even the Black feminists I follow and know are people I've had to find and do more research into," they explain. "I just see predominantly white people on my page, and the 'discover' section.''</p>
<p style="text-align: center;"><strong>READ MORE: <a href="https://fournine.net/disability-inspired-vulnerable-samantha-renke">'Disability is nothing to be inspired by and labelling us vulnerable is dangerous'</a></strong></p>
<p>When I ask Aaliyah if they see themselves as a role model, they are quick to point out that it's still a foreign concept. "It's a weird thing for me that word," they explain. "I can't imagine people looking at me and being like 'they're a role model'. But I guess I am, and that's what keeps me wanting to keep having these conversations. I'm glad to be someone that I wish I had when I was 15, or 16."</p>
<p>Still, they are optimistic about the future, especially given the changes they've already seen happening in 2021.</p>
<p>Aaliyah says that some of the discussions they've been having wouldn't have happened two years, or even a year ago. "2021 is definitely the year for people speaking up!"</p>
<figure>
            <img class="wp-image-12631345 size-full" src="https://cdn.fournine.net/uploads/2021/03/image001-min.png" alt="Aaliyah Ramsey " width="1088" height="1398" /><figcaption class='op-vertical-below'>
<h1>

 The model's journey into feminism began with pop star, Miley Cyrus (Credit: Supplied)</h1>
</figcaption></figure>
<h2>'Feminism is a lot more than gender'</h2>
<p>Another issue close to Aaliyah's heart is feminism. However, they are quick to stress to me that they believe feminism is a lot more than gender.</p>
<p>"I feel like when I first got into feminism, I was thinking just about women, women, women," the 21-year-old tells me. " I wasn't even really thinking about the other aspects, including skin colour, or the privileges you have. And that's what I learnt the most – being intersectional."</p>
<p>Aaliyah goes on to reveal that their passion for feminism was actually inspired by their decision to grow their body hair. When they first decided to stop shaving their legs and armpits, Aaliyah admits they didn't realise how "empowering" it would feel to not subscribe to traditional beauty ideals.</p>
<p>"I stopped shaving my armpits when I was 16...and I thought 'wow that's so cool'," they add.</p>
<p>"My body hair is now one of my favourite parts of myself. It's how I started getting into feminism, and it represents what I stand for. Without saying it, my body hair shows that I don't support the engrained beauty standard. It speaks for me."</p>


Non-binary influencer Aaliyah Ramsey discusses overcoming abusive trolls and fighting for representation

Boohoo has been accused stealing designs from a young Black designer. The fashion giant has notoriously face <a href="https://www.worldipreview.com/news/unicolors-impossible-boohoo-didn-t-copy-design-20591?utm_source=02.+WIPR&amp;amp;utm_campaign=b4dea6aa3e-WIPR_Digital_Newsletter_03122020_COPY_01&amp;amp;utm_medium=email&amp;amp;utm_term=0_d4c85a86a7-b4dea6aa3e-27934435&amp;fbclid=IwAR0gwM5Mg_FqU3MoZAsk4QwwlE6jEO4vsYjtdh986EIcYTmLIUmCDqYH2KE">similar allegations</a> in the past of course – but this time, it's different.

Fisayo Longe, who owns her own fashion label <a href="https://kaicollective.com/" target="_blank" rel="noopener">Kai Collective</a>, is taking legal action against Boohoo. It's the first time an independent label has legally gone against the conglomerate...

Speaking exclusively to Four Nine, Longe tells me she is suing for £30,000 in damages as well as the cost of legal expenses.

Longe is now in legal talks with BooHoo with a "view of reaching a resolution". However, Longe says her point still stands: "I want brands to know that they can take steps to protect themselves, it's expensive,  but it's possible."

[caption id="attachment_12631112" align="aligncenter" width="853"]<img class="size-full wp-image-12631112" src="https://cdn.fournine.net/uploads/2021/02/Fisayo-Longe-.jpeg" alt="Kai Collective " width="853" height="1280" /> Fisayo Longe pictured wearing the Gaia print, which was designed in 2019 (Credit: Supplied)[/caption]
<h2>'We have no idea how much it will end up costing'</h2>
Longe tells me that she was left feeling "upset" and "disgusted" after seeing Boohoo selling designs that appeared almost identical to her own.

It hasn't been an easy journey for Kai Collective. Established in 2016, the independent brand celebrated its first profitable annum last year. Much of its success last year was down to the success of its breakout design, Gaia – a print created in collaboration with a Nigerian artist. In January of 2021, Longe claims that a near-identical looking item showed up on BooHoo's website.

[[twitterwidget||https://twitter.com/Felicia_Thandie/status/1353147992430280706]]

"We created the Gaia print because I felt like the brand didn't have a strong enough identity," Longe tells me. "The print was sold out all summer, and was featured on an Elle cover story. When we released it, it wasn't anywhere. And when someone copies it so closely, like BooHoo, it's a blatant rip-off."
<p style="text-align: center;"><strong>READ MORE: <a href="https://fournine.net/sexual-harassment-workplace-venus-libido">Sexual harassment in the workplace pushed me to try and take my own life</a>
</strong></p>
Heartbroken, Longe explains that she felt compelled to sue BooHoo, in spite of being extremely concerned about the financial implications it could have for her label. "We have no idea how much it will end up costing," she admits. "It might mean that we can't do other things that we were intending to do. I don't even want to be involved in this type of situation. I'd rather use my energy on my creativity and continuing to build the brand.

"It's such a delicate time. I just want to focus on growing Kai, rather than fighting over a print."
<h2>'It economically disempowers us'</h2>
Longe first became aware of the problem after people first started tagging the designer in pictures of BooHoo's product shortly after it was advertised in January.

In response, Longe <a href="https://twitter.com/fisayolonge?lang=en" target="_blank" rel="noopener">wrote</a> in a <a href="https://www.bellanaijastyle.com/boohoo-2021-kia-ss20/" target="_blank" rel="noopener">since-deleted</a> tweet: "Gaia is now being heavily imitated. Boohoo has gone as far as to copy our print almost identically. That is unacceptable. Seeing how much Gaia was being imitated, I obtained design registration in the UK and EU, with US copyright pending. They will not profit illegally off of our intellectual property and most certainly not with a print that we have legally protected."
<p style="text-align: center;"><strong>READ MORE: <a href="https://fournine.net/pregnancy-discrimination-nearly-killed-baby-boss">Pregnancy discrimination nearly killed my baby – I'll never forgive my manager</a></strong></p>
But Longe is far from the first creative to accuse the BooHoo group – which also owns Pretty Little Thing and Nasty Gal –  for allegedly ripping off designs.
<p class="p1">In January, just days before Longe's first tweet went viral, Anifa Mvuemba, of <a href="https://hanifa.co/" target="_blank" rel="noopener">Hanfia</a>, called Pretty Little Thing "trash" on Twitter. She shared a side-by-side of her design alongside an item being advertised on the retailer’s website.</p>
[[twitterwidget||https://twitter.com/AnifaM/status/1350852031024664577]]

"I don't think they're going out and being like 'Let's find brands that are owned by Black women'," Longe says.

"They go after companies that are lesser-known and believe have less agency to fight them. A lot of these brands happen to be owned by Black females, and they know they can get away with it. Even if they don't set out to be sexist and racist, they are encouraging it by stealing from us. It economically disempowers us and creates a power imbalance. It's a cause, and also a result."

<img class="size-full wp-image-12631113" src="https://cdn.fournine.net/uploads/2021/02/side-by-side.jpeg" alt="Kai Collective " width="960" height="1200" />

A side-by-side of the Gaia print with Boohoo's comparable item (Credit: Supplied)
<h2>The 'soul and identity' of Kai Collective</h2>
For Longe, the Gaia print wasn't just about "colours, lines and patterns", it represents the "soul and identity" of the brand.

The process of creating it was intrinsically tied to its creator. She tells me how the artist designed it after being inspired by her personality, and the fluidity of her voice. For her part, Longe consciously set out to pay homage to her homeland, Nigeria, and her mission statement revolves around uplifting women from the country, which she says has "sexism entrenched in the law".
<p style="text-align: center;"><strong>READ MORE: <a href="https://fournine.net/madam-cj-walker-granddaughter-alelia-bundles" target="_blank" rel="noopener">Madam CJ Walker's great-great granddaughter reveals how the first self-made female millionaire helped Black women escape poverty</a></strong></p>
She explained: "I wanted to create a community that stands against sexism, and uses fashion to do so. We create clothes that are modest, which Hijabi women can wear, and we also make clothes that are super revealing, for women who feel empowered by feeling sexy. It's emotional for me.

[[instagramwidget||https://www.instagram.com/p/CLhgRClFdgx/]]

"They keep copying lots of small, female-owned brands, and I want a precedent to be set," Longe states. "The Gaia print is so important for us, and our identity, and I don't want people seeing elements of it on BooHoo. We have such different values. I don't want any type of confusion or any similarity between them at all."

<em>Four Nine reached out to BooHoo for comment but have not yet received a response. </em>

<p>Boohoo has been accused stealing designs from a young Black designer. The fashion giant has notoriously face <a href="https://www.worldipreview.com/news/unicolors-impossible-boohoo-didn-t-copy-design-20591?utm_source=02.+WIPR&amp;amp;utm_campaign=b4dea6aa3e-WIPR_Digital_Newsletter_03122020_COPY_01&amp;amp;utm_medium=email&amp;amp;utm_term=0_d4c85a86a7-b4dea6aa3e-27934435&amp;fbclid=IwAR0gwM5Mg_FqU3MoZAsk4QwwlE6jEO4vsYjtdh986EIcYTmLIUmCDqYH2KE">similar allegations</a> in the past of course – but this time, it's different.</p>
<p>Fisayo Longe, who owns her own fashion label <a href="https://kaicollective.com/" target="_blank" rel="noopener">Kai Collective</a>, is taking legal action against Boohoo. It's the first time an independent label has legally gone against the conglomerate...</p>
<p>Speaking exclusively to Four Nine, Longe tells me she is suing for £30,000 in damages as well as the cost of legal expenses.</p>
<p>Longe is now in legal talks with BooHoo with a "view of reaching a resolution". However, Longe says her point still stands: "I want brands to know that they can take steps to protect themselves, it's expensive,  but it's possible."</p>
<figure>
            <img class="size-full wp-image-12631112" src="https://cdn.fournine.net/uploads/2021/02/Fisayo-Longe-.jpeg" alt="Kai Collective " width="853" height="1280" /><figcaption class='op-vertical-below'>
<h1>

 Fisayo Longe pictured wearing the Gaia print, which was designed in 2019 (Credit: Supplied)</h1>
</figcaption></figure>
<h2>'We have no idea how much it will end up costing'</h2>
<p>Longe tells me that she was left feeling "upset" and "disgusted" after seeing Boohoo selling designs that appeared almost identical to her own.</p>
<p>It hasn't been an easy journey for Kai Collective. Established in 2016, the independent brand celebrated its first profitable annum last year. Much of its success last year was down to the success of its breakout design, Gaia – a print created in collaboration with a Nigerian artist. In January of 2021, Longe claims that a near-identical looking item showed up on BooHoo's website.</p>
<figure class='op-interactive'>
              <blockquote class='twitter-tweet' data-lang='en-gb'>
                <a href='https://twitter.com/Felicia_Thandie/status/1353147992430280706'></a>
                <script async src='//platform.twitter.com/widgets.js' charset='utf-8'></script>
              </blockquote>
            </figure>
<p>"We created the Gaia print because I felt like the brand didn't have a strong enough identity," Longe tells me. "The print was sold out all summer, and was featured on an Elle cover story. When we released it, it wasn't anywhere. And when someone copies it so closely, like BooHoo, it's a blatant rip-off."</p>
<p style="text-align: center;"><strong>READ MORE: <a href="https://fournine.net/sexual-harassment-workplace-venus-libido">Sexual harassment in the workplace pushed me to try and take my own life</a><br />
</strong></p>
<p>Heartbroken, Longe explains that she felt compelled to sue BooHoo, in spite of being extremely concerned about the financial implications it could have for her label. "We have no idea how much it will end up costing," she admits. "It might mean that we can't do other things that we were intending to do. I don't even want to be involved in this type of situation. I'd rather use my energy on my creativity and continuing to build the brand.</p>
<p>"It's such a delicate time. I just want to focus on growing Kai, rather than fighting over a print."</p>
<h2>'It economically disempowers us'</h2>
<p>Longe first became aware of the problem after people first started tagging the designer in pictures of BooHoo's product shortly after it was advertised in January.</p>
<p>In response, Longe <a href="https://twitter.com/fisayolonge?lang=en" target="_blank" rel="noopener">wrote</a> in a <a href="https://www.bellanaijastyle.com/boohoo-2021-kia-ss20/" target="_blank" rel="noopener">since-deleted</a> tweet: "Gaia is now being heavily imitated. Boohoo has gone as far as to copy our print almost identically. That is unacceptable. Seeing how much Gaia was being imitated, I obtained design registration in the UK and EU, with US copyright pending. They will not profit illegally off of our intellectual property and most certainly not with a print that we have legally protected."</p>
<p style="text-align: center;"><strong>READ MORE: <a href="https://fournine.net/pregnancy-discrimination-nearly-killed-baby-boss">Pregnancy discrimination nearly killed my baby – I'll never forgive my manager</a></strong></p>
<p>But Longe is far from the first creative to accuse the BooHoo group – which also owns Pretty Little Thing and Nasty Gal –  for allegedly ripping off designs.</p>
<p class="p1">In January, just days before Longe's first tweet went viral, Anifa Mvuemba, of <a href="https://hanifa.co/" target="_blank" rel="noopener">Hanfia</a>, called Pretty Little Thing "trash" on Twitter. She shared a side-by-side of her design alongside an item being advertised on the retailer’s website.</p>
<figure class='op-interactive'>
              <blockquote class='twitter-tweet' data-lang='en-gb'>
                <a href='https://twitter.com/AnifaM/status/1350852031024664577'></a>
                <script async src='//platform.twitter.com/widgets.js' charset='utf-8'></script>
              </blockquote>
            </figure>
<p>"I don't think they're going out and being like 'Let's find brands that are owned by Black women'," Longe says.</p>
<p>"They go after companies that are lesser-known and believe have less agency to fight them. A lot of these brands happen to be owned by Black females, and they know they can get away with it. Even if they don't set out to be sexist and racist, they are encouraging it by stealing from us. It economically disempowers us and creates a power imbalance. It's a cause, and also a result."</p>
<figure><img class="size-full wp-image-12631113" src="https://cdn.fournine.net/uploads/2021/02/side-by-side.jpeg" alt="Kai Collective " width="960" height="1200" /></figure>
<p>A side-by-side of the Gaia print with Boohoo's comparable item (Credit: Supplied)</p>
<h2>The 'soul and identity' of Kai Collective</h2>
<p>For Longe, the Gaia print wasn't just about "colours, lines and patterns", it represents the "soul and identity" of the brand.</p>
<p>The process of creating it was intrinsically tied to its creator. She tells me how the artist designed it after being inspired by her personality, and the fluidity of her voice. For her part, Longe consciously set out to pay homage to her homeland, Nigeria, and her mission statement revolves around uplifting women from the country, which she says has "sexism entrenched in the law".</p>
<p style="text-align: center;"><strong>READ MORE: <a href="https://fournine.net/madam-cj-walker-granddaughter-alelia-bundles" target="_blank" rel="noopener">Madam CJ Walker's great-great granddaughter reveals how the first self-made female millionaire helped Black women escape poverty</a></strong></p>
<p>She explained: "I wanted to create a community that stands against sexism, and uses fashion to do so. We create clothes that are modest, which Hijabi women can wear, and we also make clothes that are super revealing, for women who feel empowered by feeling sexy. It's emotional for me.</p>
<figure class='op-interactive'>
              <blockquote class='instagram-media' data-instgrm-captioned data-instgrm-version='7'>
                <a href='https://www.instagram.com/p/CLhgRClFdgx/'></a>
                <p>A post shared by Instagram (@instagram)</p>
              </blockquote>
              <script async src='//platform.instagram.com/en_US/embeds.js'></script>
            </figure>
<p>"They keep copying lots of small, female-owned brands, and I want a precedent to be set," Longe states. "The Gaia print is so important for us, and our identity, and I don't want people seeing elements of it on BooHoo. We have such different values. I don't want any type of confusion or any similarity between them at all."</p>
<p><em>Four Nine reached out to BooHoo for comment but have not yet received a response. </em></p>


Black designer opens up about her terrifying decision to sue Boohoo for 'stealing' her designs

Many couples have questioned if lockdown is ruining their relationship.

The ongoing coronavirus pandemic has taken a toll on many aspects of our lives – including our intimate relationships.

In before times, we had a social life and actually went to work to fill up our day. Now, many of us have never spent as much time at home with our partners. While being cooped up with Netflix, takeaways and cuddles was a novelty at first, in the midst of the UK's third national lockdown, it's safe to say that the charm has worn off.

Here, Four Nine speaks to <a href="https://www.kalanitbenari.com/" target="_blank" rel="noopener">Dr Kalanit Ben-Ari</a>, PhD, who has worked as a couples therapist for over 20 years, on how to spice up our love lives in quarantine, and how to better manage our expectations of our partners during this truly unprecedented time.

[caption id="attachment_12630964" align="alignnone" width="1920"]<img class="wp-image-12630964 size-full" src="https://cdn.fournine.net/uploads/2021/02/charlie-foster-A88emaZe7d8-unsplash.jpg" alt="Is lockdown ruining your relationship" width="1920" height="1272" /> Many couples have questioned if lockdown is ruining their relationship (Credit: Unsplash)[/caption]
<h2>Is lockdown ruining your relationship?</h2>
"People's relationships have really changed from the first lockdown up until this point," Dr Ben-Ari tells Four Nine. "In the first lockdown, some couples with a strong foundation really enjoyed slowing down – yes, there was stress and change - but they were able to manage it.

"Couples in a more conflicted relationship found it more challenging, as they were no longer able to avoid their problems by going out and being with friends.
<p style="text-align: center;"><strong>READ MORE: <a href="https://www.fournine.net/marilyn-manson-fans-responsibility-enable-abuse">Marilyn Manson fans have a responsibility to not enable him</a></strong></p>
"But even then, the longer quarantine gets, the more likely it is to affect more of us," she continues. "Because we're not able to recharge in our usual ways, many of us are experiencing something like burnout at home, and in our partnerships too."

But don't fear, there are several ways in which couples can reignite the "spark". Here, Dr Ben-Ari gives us the lowdown...

[caption id="attachment_12630988" align="alignnone" width="1280"]<img class="size-full wp-image-12630988" src="https://cdn.fournine.net/uploads/2021/02/pexels-alex-green-5699713.jpg" alt="Relationship expert" width="1280" height="853" /> There are ways to reignite the spark during lockdown (Credit: Pexels)[/caption]
<h3>1. Bring more appreciation</h3>
"The more we are together, day in and day out, the more we take each other for granted," Dr Ben-Ari explains. "Start to think about what is in front of you, and the goodness of your partner, and tell them about it, in a sincere, thoughtful way."
<p style="text-align: center;"><strong>READ MORE: <a href="https://www.fournine.net/love-island-amber-gill-mental-health-interview">Love Island's Amber Gill gets honest about her mental health during lockdown</a>
</strong></p>

<h3>2. Small gestures</h3>
Because the days are blurring together right now, Dr Ben-Ari says it's important to introduce some novelty into your partnership.

"This can be small, every day novelties, or longer-term projects," she explains. "For example, it sounds silly, but if your boyfriend is coming back from a walk, just jump and seem overexcited to see them. It brings a different energy to the situation, and changes the frequency between you two.

"You can also surprise them in other ways – for example, learning salsa, or a new massage technique. There are plenty of things you can do over the internet."

[caption id="attachment_12630990" align="alignnone" width="1280"]<img class="wp-image-12630990 size-full" src="https://cdn.fournine.net/uploads/2021/02/pexels-katerina-holmes-5910790.jpg" alt="Is lockdown ruining your relationship" width="1280" height="853" /> Small gestures can make a big difference (Credit: Pexels)[/caption]
<h3>3. Go outside</h3>
Venturing outdoors with your partner can also mix things up. "If you and your partner are into health and fitness, practice it outside," Dr Ben-Ari recommends. "It's just a different space than the one you have at home."
<p style="text-align: center;"><strong>READ MORE: <a href="https://www.fournine.net/what-happened-cecil-hotel-true-story">The Cecil Hotel's disturbing history revealed</a> </strong></p>

<h3>4. Talk about sex</h3>
"Having quality fun with romance is so integral," Dr Ben-Ari says. "It's not watching Netflix, or watching a nice dinner – though they have their own values too – but just being in front of each other with eye contact and touch, is a different kind of intimacy."

She says moments like these, though they may feel mundane, help connect you with your loved one on a different, more visceral level.

The therapist also encourages couples to have more conversations about sex. "Many couples avoid these kinds of conversations", she explains. "First you need to know yourself sexually, then you can teach your partner and speak about what your needs are - openly and with compassion."

[caption id="attachment_12630991" align="alignnone" width="1920"]<img class="size-full wp-image-12630991" src="https://cdn.fournine.net/uploads/2021/02/taylor-hernandez-NK-N6coeI5Y-unsplash.jpg" alt="Relationship expert" width="1920" height="1280" /> Put time aside for yourself as well as your partner (Credit: Pexels)[/caption]
<h3>5. Invest time in yourself</h3>
"Maybe you like to draw or write, but it's important to take time to pursue your own interests outside of your relationship.

"When you're together so much, as we are in quarantine, it's good to have something for yourself. So when you come back to your partner you come with excitement, and you're able to share an experience with them. It helps you come alive spiritually, and you'll pass this onto your significant other."
<h3>6. Reconsider how you handle conflict</h3>
"Take a moment to reflect on yourself during arguments," Dr Ben-Ari advises. "Sometimes something that annoys or triggers us about our partner is actually more about us than it is about them.

"But find the right time to talk about it – so if it's in the heat of the moment, it's probably not best because you're both too defensive to really listen.

"Take some time out, and wait until you feel less reactive to tackle the subject. But give a signal that you're going to come back to it again, so it doesn't feel like a rejection or judgement."

[caption id="attachment_12630992" align="alignnone" width="1707"]<img class="size-full wp-image-12630992" src="https://cdn.fournine.net/uploads/2021/02/gift-habeshaw-V1sB2VwLNLQ-unsplash-scaled.jpg" alt="relationship expert " width="1707" height="2560" /> Consider how you talk to your partner when communicating problems (Credit: Unsplash)[/caption]
<h3>7. Use 'I' statements</h3>
"I always tell couples to avoid one word to make their communication better, and it's 'you'," the therapist says. "Rather than say 'you do this' or 'you do that', tell your partner how the situation makes you feel. For example, 'when I see you neglect the washing up, I feel unappreciated'".

"The object is not to blame, shame or criticise, but to express the underlying issue," Ben-Ari continues. "Is it that you don't feel taken care of, or valued enough?

"Fights are never about who forgot to buy the milk."

<p>Many couples have questioned if lockdown is ruining their relationship.</p>
<p>The ongoing coronavirus pandemic has taken a toll on many aspects of our lives – including our intimate relationships.</p>
<p>In before times, we had a social life and actually went to work to fill up our day. Now, many of us have never spent as much time at home with our partners. While being cooped up with Netflix, takeaways and cuddles was a novelty at first, in the midst of the UK's third national lockdown, it's safe to say that the charm has worn off.</p>
<p>Here, Four Nine speaks to <a href="https://www.kalanitbenari.com/" target="_blank" rel="noopener">Dr Kalanit Ben-Ari</a>, PhD, who has worked as a couples therapist for over 20 years, on how to spice up our love lives in quarantine, and how to better manage our expectations of our partners during this truly unprecedented time.</p>
<figure>
            <img class="wp-image-12630964 size-full" src="https://cdn.fournine.net/uploads/2021/02/charlie-foster-A88emaZe7d8-unsplash.jpg" alt="Is lockdown ruining your relationship" width="1920" height="1272" /><figcaption class='op-vertical-below'>
<h1>

 Many couples have questioned if lockdown is ruining their relationship (Credit: Unsplash)</h1>
</figcaption></figure>
<h2>Is lockdown ruining your relationship?</h2>
<p>"People's relationships have really changed from the first lockdown up until this point," Dr Ben-Ari tells Four Nine. "In the first lockdown, some couples with a strong foundation really enjoyed slowing down – yes, there was stress and change - but they were able to manage it.</p>
<p>"Couples in a more conflicted relationship found it more challenging, as they were no longer able to avoid their problems by going out and being with friends.</p>
<p style="text-align: center;"><strong>READ MORE: <a href="https://www.fournine.net/marilyn-manson-fans-responsibility-enable-abuse">Marilyn Manson fans have a responsibility to not enable him</a></strong></p>
<p>"But even then, the longer quarantine gets, the more likely it is to affect more of us," she continues. "Because we're not able to recharge in our usual ways, many of us are experiencing something like burnout at home, and in our partnerships too."</p>
<p>But don't fear, there are several ways in which couples can reignite the "spark". Here, Dr Ben-Ari gives us the lowdown...</p>
<figure>
            <img class="size-full wp-image-12630988" src="https://cdn.fournine.net/uploads/2021/02/pexels-alex-green-5699713.jpg" alt="Relationship expert" width="1280" height="853" /><figcaption class='op-vertical-below'>
<h1>

 There are ways to reignite the spark during lockdown (Credit: Pexels)</h1>
</figcaption></figure>
<h2>1. Bring more appreciation</h2>
<p>"The more we are together, day in and day out, the more we take each other for granted," Dr Ben-Ari explains. "Start to think about what is in front of you, and the goodness of your partner, and tell them about it, in a sincere, thoughtful way."</p>
<p style="text-align: center;"><strong>READ MORE: <a href="https://www.fournine.net/love-island-amber-gill-mental-health-interview">Love Island's Amber Gill gets honest about her mental health during lockdown</a><br />
</strong></p>
<h2>2. Small gestures</h2>
<p>Because the days are blurring together right now, Dr Ben-Ari says it's important to introduce some novelty into your partnership.</p>
<p>"This can be small, every day novelties, or longer-term projects," she explains. "For example, it sounds silly, but if your boyfriend is coming back from a walk, just jump and seem overexcited to see them. It brings a different energy to the situation, and changes the frequency between you two.</p>
<p>"You can also surprise them in other ways – for example, learning salsa, or a new massage technique. There are plenty of things you can do over the internet."</p>
<figure>
            <img class="wp-image-12630990 size-full" src="https://cdn.fournine.net/uploads/2021/02/pexels-katerina-holmes-5910790.jpg" alt="Is lockdown ruining your relationship" width="1280" height="853" /><figcaption class='op-vertical-below'>
<h1>

 Small gestures can make a big difference (Credit: Pexels)</h1>
</figcaption></figure>
<h2>3. Go outside</h2>
<p>Venturing outdoors with your partner can also mix things up. "If you and your partner are into health and fitness, practice it outside," Dr Ben-Ari recommends. "It's just a different space than the one you have at home."</p>
<p style="text-align: center;"><strong>READ MORE: <a href="https://www.fournine.net/what-happened-cecil-hotel-true-story">The Cecil Hotel's disturbing history revealed</a> </strong></p>
<h2>4. Talk about sex</h2>
<p>"Having quality fun with romance is so integral," Dr Ben-Ari says. "It's not watching Netflix, or watching a nice dinner – though they have their own values too – but just being in front of each other with eye contact and touch, is a different kind of intimacy."</p>
<p>She says moments like these, though they may feel mundane, help connect you with your loved one on a different, more visceral level.</p>
<p>The therapist also encourages couples to have more conversations about sex. "Many couples avoid these kinds of conversations", she explains. "First you need to know yourself sexually, then you can teach your partner and speak about what your needs are - openly and with compassion."</p>
<figure>
            <img class="size-full wp-image-12630991" src="https://cdn.fournine.net/uploads/2021/02/taylor-hernandez-NK-N6coeI5Y-unsplash.jpg" alt="Relationship expert" width="1920" height="1280" /><figcaption class='op-vertical-below'>
<h1>

 Put time aside for yourself as well as your partner (Credit: Pexels)</h1>
</figcaption></figure>
<h2>5. Invest time in yourself</h2>
<p>"Maybe you like to draw or write, but it's important to take time to pursue your own interests outside of your relationship.</p>
<p>"When you're together so much, as we are in quarantine, it's good to have something for yourself. So when you come back to your partner you come with excitement, and you're able to share an experience with them. It helps you come alive spiritually, and you'll pass this onto your significant other."</p>
<h2>6. Reconsider how you handle conflict</h2>
<p>"Take a moment to reflect on yourself during arguments," Dr Ben-Ari advises. "Sometimes something that annoys or triggers us about our partner is actually more about us than it is about them.</p>
<p>"But find the right time to talk about it – so if it's in the heat of the moment, it's probably not best because you're both too defensive to really listen.</p>
<p>"Take some time out, and wait until you feel less reactive to tackle the subject. But give a signal that you're going to come back to it again, so it doesn't feel like a rejection or judgement."</p>
<figure>
            <img class="size-full wp-image-12630992" src="https://cdn.fournine.net/uploads/2021/02/gift-habeshaw-V1sB2VwLNLQ-unsplash-scaled.jpg" alt="relationship expert " width="1707" height="2560" /><figcaption class='op-vertical-below'>
<h1>

 Consider how you talk to your partner when communicating problems (Credit: Unsplash)</h1>
</figcaption></figure>
<h2>7. Use 'I' statements</h2>
<p>"I always tell couples to avoid one word to make their communication better, and it's 'you'," the therapist says. "Rather than say 'you do this' or 'you do that', tell your partner how the situation makes you feel. For example, 'when I see you neglect the washing up, I feel unappreciated'".</p>
<p>"The object is not to blame, shame or criticise, but to express the underlying issue," Ben-Ari continues. "Is it that you don't feel taken care of, or valued enough?</p>
<p>"Fights are never about who forgot to buy the milk."</p>


Is lockdown ruining your relationship? Expert shares 7 tips to prevent romance burnout

Netflix fans have been wondering if the Cecil Hotel is still open after watching the Crime Scene docu-series..

The Vanishing at the Cecil Hotel investigates the disappearance of Elisa Lam and also features interviews with guests who stayed there.

The infamous Los Angeles site has witnessed countless murders, suicides, and was even the temporary home of some of America's most notorious serial killers.

So, is the Cecil Hotel still open? Here's everything you need to know...

[caption id="attachment_12630904" align="alignnone" width="968"]<img class="wp-image-12630904 size-full" src="https://cdn.fournine.net/uploads/2021/02/CrimeScene_TheVanishingattheCecilHotel_Season1_Episode1_00_28_06_00.jpg" alt="Is the Cecil Hotel still open" width="968" height="405" /> The iconic Cecil Hotel opened in 1927 (Credit: Netflix / Screenshot)[/caption]
<h2>Is the Cecil Hotel still open?</h2>
The Cecil Hotel is still open but is currently undergoing a refurbishment. In an attempt to shake off its sordid past, it has had a rebrand and is now known as the <a href="https://www.agoda.com/stay-on-main-hotel/hotel/los-angeles-ca-us.html?cid=1844104">Stay on Main Hotel</a>.

The hotel was bought by its new owners for $26 million in 2007, and they gave it a $100 million renovation. Another substantial makeover of the Stay on Main was announced in 2016, and so the hotel shut its doors once more.
<p style="text-align: center;"><strong>READ MORE: <a href="https://www.fournine.net/kim-cattrall-sarah-jessica-parker-feud" target="_blank" rel="noopener"><span data-sheets-value="{&quot;1&quot;:2,&quot;2&quot;:&quot;Kim Cattrall and Sarah Jessica Parker feud explained as Sex and the City returns WITHOUT Samantha&quot;}" data-sheets-userformat="{&quot;2&quot;:6723,&quot;3&quot;:{&quot;1&quot;:0},&quot;4&quot;:{&quot;1&quot;:2,&quot;2&quot;:16777215},&quot;9&quot;:0,&quot;12&quot;:0,&quot;14&quot;:{&quot;1&quot;:2,&quot;2&quot;:0},&quot;15&quot;:&quot;Arial&quot;}">Kim Cattrall and Sarah Jessica Parker feud explained in their own words</span></a></strong></p>
The owners were still reportedly in the midst of getting permits and funding for the development in 2019. The initial plan was to have everything completed in October of 2021, but due to delays caused by the ongoing Coronavirus pandemic, this seems unlikely.

If you're thinking about making a reservation for when the hotel starts taking bookings again, you may want to check out some of the reviews first.

[caption id="attachment_12630905" align="aligncenter" width="590"]<img class="size-full wp-image-12630905" src="https://cdn.fournine.net/uploads/2021/02/Vanishing-at-The-Cecil-Hotel-still-open-business-netflix-1395678.jpg" alt="" width="590" height="350" /> The Cecil Hotel is now known as the Stay on Main hotel (Credit: Netflix / Screenshot)[/caption]
<h2>The creepiest Google reviews of the Cecil Hotel</h2>
Over the years, visitors have noticed disturbing occurrences during their stays at the iconic downtown LA site.

From things that go bump in the night to "terrible" odours, we've compiled some of the creepiest <a href="https://www.google.com/travel/hotels/entity/CgoI5rL5v7Twg9BkEAE/reviews?g2lb=2502548%2C2503780%2C4258168%2C4270442%2C4306835%2C4317915%2C4328159%2C4371335%2C4401769%2C4419364%2C4463263%2C4463666%2C4482194%2C4482438%2C4486153%2C4491350%2C4495816%2C4496891%2C4270859%2C4284970%2C4291517&amp;hl=en-GB&amp;gl=uk&amp;un=1&amp;rp=EOay-b-08IPQZBDmsvm_tPCD0GQ4AkAASAHAAQI&amp;ictx=1&amp;sa=X&amp;ved=0CAAQ5JsGahcKEwig86HY_N7uAhUAAAAAHQAAAAAQBQ&amp;utm_campaign=sharing&amp;utm_medium=link&amp;utm_source=htls&amp;ts=CAESABpJCisSJzIlMHg4MGMyYzYzNTZjYmEyZjQzOjB4NjRhMDBmODM0N2ZlNTk2NhoAEhoSFAoHCOUPEAIYCxIHCOUPEAIYDBgBMgIQACoECgAaAA" target="_blank" rel="noopener">reviews</a> of the Cecil Hotel.
<h3>1. <a href="https://www.google.com/maps/contrib/100255774345610483569?hl=en-GB" target="_blank" rel="noopener">"Spooky"</a></h3>
"It was sooo spooky to stay here.. okay you can't change the history of this hotel but hmm yes. Everyone says the water tastes bad but I didn't get that... But it was still spooky sometimes. I heard crazy voices at night outside my room... I was alone and I´ve never been so scared... For humans who love adventures and ghosts it is the best place to stay! [sic]"
<p style="text-align: center;"><strong>READ MORE: <a href="https://www.fournine.net/elisabeth-moss-reveals-worst-fear">Elisabeth Moss reveals her worst fear</a> </strong></p>

<h3>2. <a href="https://www.google.com/maps/contrib/117778168750960805206?hl=en-GB" target="_blank" rel="noopener">"SCREAMING" </a></h3>
"The bathrooms were terribly dirty, I found stains on the towels, heard SCREAMING from next doors and [it] was the scariest experience. I found blood on the curtains, which really unsettled me, so I only stayed for 1 night. The water was fine, but idk why people are lying about the water being black when it was cleaned out [sic]."

[caption id="attachment_12630908" align="alignnone" width="900"]<img class="wp-image-12630908 size-full" src="https://cdn.fournine.net/uploads/2021/02/Crime-Scene-The-Vanishing-at-the-Cecil-Hotel-900x600-1.png" alt="Is the cecil hotel still open " width="900" height="600" /> And visitors have claimed to have experienced "spooky" occurrences. (Credit: Netflix / Screenshot)[/caption]
<h3>3. <a href="https://www.google.com/maps/contrib/106536962866529444937?hl=en-GB" target="_blank" rel="noopener">"Feeling of being watched" </a></h3>
"I just recently stay there, I had a terrible sleep, kept hearing my door being knocked on. Couldn't shower with the feeling of being watched. Had the elevator constantly open, and a dripping wet lady kept walking in front of my room. Terrible [sic]."
<h3>4. <a href="https://www.google.com/maps/contrib/110949944777085476965?hl=en-GB" target="_blank" rel="noopener">"Creepy noises at night' </a></h3>
"Service was great! Creepy noises at night, and felt like I was being watched. Rooms were way too small. Based on the history of the Cecil Hotel, I was scared at first, but I kind of liked it overall. I learned the history of the Cecil (Elisa Lam), and it was scary. In conclusion, the food and service were great. Please put warnings on the noises! Make the rooms bigger. I was there 6 months ago, but I didn't want to write a review [sic]."

[caption id="attachment_12630907" align="alignnone" width="681"]<img class="size-full wp-image-12630907" src="https://cdn.fournine.net/uploads/2021/02/CrimeScene_TheVanishingattheCecilHotel_Season1_Episode3_00_17_18_23.jpg" alt="" width="681" height="383" /> The Vanishing at the Cecil Hotel is available to stream on Netflix (Credit: Netflix / Screenshot)[/caption]
<h3>5. <a href="https://www.google.com/maps/contrib/100075313633104738411?hl=en-GB" target="_blank" rel="noopener">"Like they were planning something" </a></h3>
"This was a creepy experience for me the bathroom... Moreover, the staff were acting weird and awkward like they were planning something... The smell, the water, the curtains..screaming? I heard... This hotel is a big NO for me [sic]."
<h3>6. <a href="https://www.google.com/maps/contrib/118413377948626188674?hl=en-GB" target="_blank" rel="noopener">"DO NOT VISIT THIS HOTEL"</a></h3>
"DO NOT VISIT THIS HOTEL. They can change their name, and try to leave it in the past but what happened within those walls cannot be changed. Elisa Lam will be remembered. If you go, please be careful. It's really sketchy. One word CREEPY!"

[caption id="attachment_12630906" align="alignnone" width="710"]<img class=" wp-image-12630906" src="https://cdn.fournine.net/uploads/2021/02/download-3.jpeg" alt="" width="710" height="398" /> Pictured is Elisa Lam who went missing and later died at the Cecil Hotel (Credit: Netflix / Screenshot)[/caption]
<h3>7. <a href="https://www.google.com/maps/contrib/101478609961520196301?hl=en-GB" target="_blank" rel="noopener">'Many scary noises at night'</a></h3>
"Hotel looks kind of fancy, I stayed here 6 years ago. Bathrooms were very dirty, many scary noises at night. Water didn't look clean and tasted strong, so I used bottled water to brush my teeth, and drink. I didn't know that this hotel was haunted. Scary place. Looks like they changed the name. Would not recommend this hotel [sic]."
<h3>8. <a href="https://www.google.com/maps/contrib/117132093516435973703?hl=en-GB" target="_blank" rel="noopener">"A terrible odour'</a></h3>
"I didn't like it here. The rooms were okay but the room I had, had a terrible odour. I didn't want to stay here cause I kept hearing creaks and noises and it was hard for me to sleep... Also about the past of Richard stalker guy yeah no.. [sic]"
<div class="mceTemp"></div>

[caption id="attachment_12630909" align="alignnone" width="2560"]<img class="size-full wp-image-12630909" src="https://cdn.fournine.net/uploads/2021/02/newFile-7-scaled.jpg" alt="cecil hotel" width="2560" height="1921" /> Elisa Lam's body was recovered from a water tank atop the hotel (Credit: Netflix / Screenshot)[/caption]

&nbsp;
<h3>9. <a href="https://www.google.com/maps/contrib/109321424439190630584?hl=en-GB" target="_blank" rel="noopener">'Eerie vibes'</a></h3>
"[We stayed] here back in 2013 didn't even know the history and that it was Cecil Hotel. Got some eerie vibes while staying there. Staff were great. Room was nice had no problems. Didn't know it was closed now. But I didn't mind staying there [sic]."
<h3>10. <a href="https://www.google.com/maps/contrib/105261923694649519316?hl=en-GB" target="_blank" rel="noopener">"A bad idea" </a></h3>
"When they renamed it 'stay on main' they literally mean to stay on the main street. Don't go anywhere else... it's a bad idea [sic]."

So, there you have it. While The Cecil Hotel will be open for business in the not too distant future, you may want to give it a miss...

<p>Netflix fans have been wondering if the Cecil Hotel is still open after watching the Crime Scene docu-series..</p>
<p>The Vanishing at the Cecil Hotel investigates the disappearance of Elisa Lam and also features interviews with guests who stayed there.</p>
<p>The infamous Los Angeles site has witnessed countless murders, suicides, and was even the temporary home of some of America's most notorious serial killers.</p>
<p>So, is the Cecil Hotel still open? Here's everything you need to know...</p>
<figure>
            <img class="wp-image-12630904 size-full" src="https://cdn.fournine.net/uploads/2021/02/CrimeScene_TheVanishingattheCecilHotel_Season1_Episode1_00_28_06_00.jpg" alt="Is the Cecil Hotel still open" width="968" height="405" /><figcaption class='op-vertical-below'>
<h1>

 The iconic Cecil Hotel opened in 1927 (Credit: Netflix / Screenshot)</h1>
</figcaption></figure>
<h2>Is the Cecil Hotel still open?</h2>
<p>The Cecil Hotel is still open but is currently undergoing a refurbishment. In an attempt to shake off its sordid past, it has had a rebrand and is now known as the <a href="https://www.agoda.com/stay-on-main-hotel/hotel/los-angeles-ca-us.html?cid=1844104">Stay on Main Hotel</a>.</p>
<p>The hotel was bought by its new owners for $26 million in 2007, and they gave it a $100 million renovation. Another substantial makeover of the Stay on Main was announced in 2016, and so the hotel shut its doors once more.</p>
<p style="text-align: center;"><strong>READ MORE: <a href="https://www.fournine.net/kim-cattrall-sarah-jessica-parker-feud" target="_blank" rel="noopener">Kim Cattrall and Sarah Jessica Parker feud explained in their own words</a></strong></p>
<p>The owners were still reportedly in the midst of getting permits and funding for the development in 2019. The initial plan was to have everything completed in October of 2021, but due to delays caused by the ongoing Coronavirus pandemic, this seems unlikely.</p>
<p>If you're thinking about making a reservation for when the hotel starts taking bookings again, you may want to check out some of the reviews first.</p>
<figure>
            <img class="size-full wp-image-12630905" src="https://cdn.fournine.net/uploads/2021/02/Vanishing-at-The-Cecil-Hotel-still-open-business-netflix-1395678.jpg" alt="" width="590" height="350" /><figcaption class='op-vertical-below'>
<h1>

 The Cecil Hotel is now known as the Stay on Main hotel (Credit: Netflix / Screenshot)</h1>
</figcaption></figure>
<h2>The creepiest Google reviews of the Cecil Hotel</h2>
<p>Over the years, visitors have noticed disturbing occurrences during their stays at the iconic downtown LA site.</p>
<p>From things that go bump in the night to "terrible" odours, we've compiled some of the creepiest <a href="https://www.google.com/travel/hotels/entity/CgoI5rL5v7Twg9BkEAE/reviews?g2lb=2502548%2C2503780%2C4258168%2C4270442%2C4306835%2C4317915%2C4328159%2C4371335%2C4401769%2C4419364%2C4463263%2C4463666%2C4482194%2C4482438%2C4486153%2C4491350%2C4495816%2C4496891%2C4270859%2C4284970%2C4291517&amp;hl=en-GB&amp;gl=uk&amp;un=1&amp;rp=EOay-b-08IPQZBDmsvm_tPCD0GQ4AkAASAHAAQI&amp;ictx=1&amp;sa=X&amp;ved=0CAAQ5JsGahcKEwig86HY_N7uAhUAAAAAHQAAAAAQBQ&amp;utm_campaign=sharing&amp;utm_medium=link&amp;utm_source=htls&amp;ts=CAESABpJCisSJzIlMHg4MGMyYzYzNTZjYmEyZjQzOjB4NjRhMDBmODM0N2ZlNTk2NhoAEhoSFAoHCOUPEAIYCxIHCOUPEAIYDBgBMgIQACoECgAaAA" target="_blank" rel="noopener">reviews</a> of the Cecil Hotel.</p>
<h2>1. <a href="https://www.google.com/maps/contrib/100255774345610483569?hl=en-GB" target="_blank" rel="noopener">"Spooky"</a></h2>
<p>"It was sooo spooky to stay here.. okay you can't change the history of this hotel but hmm yes. Everyone says the water tastes bad but I didn't get that... But it was still spooky sometimes. I heard crazy voices at night outside my room... I was alone and I´ve never been so scared... For humans who love adventures and ghosts it is the best place to stay! [sic]"</p>
<p style="text-align: center;"><strong>READ MORE: <a href="https://www.fournine.net/elisabeth-moss-reveals-worst-fear">Elisabeth Moss reveals her worst fear</a> </strong></p>
<h2>2. <a href="https://www.google.com/maps/contrib/117778168750960805206?hl=en-GB" target="_blank" rel="noopener">"SCREAMING" </a></h2>
<p>"The bathrooms were terribly dirty, I found stains on the towels, heard SCREAMING from next doors and [it] was the scariest experience. I found blood on the curtains, which really unsettled me, so I only stayed for 1 night. The water was fine, but idk why people are lying about the water being black when it was cleaned out [sic]."</p>
<figure>
            <img class="wp-image-12630908 size-full" src="https://cdn.fournine.net/uploads/2021/02/Crime-Scene-The-Vanishing-at-the-Cecil-Hotel-900x600-1.png" alt="Is the cecil hotel still open " width="900" height="600" /><figcaption class='op-vertical-below'>
<h1>

 And visitors have claimed to have experienced "spooky" occurrences. (Credit: Netflix / Screenshot)</h1>
</figcaption></figure>
<h2>3. <a href="https://www.google.com/maps/contrib/106536962866529444937?hl=en-GB" target="_blank" rel="noopener">"Feeling of being watched" </a></h2>
<p>"I just recently stay there, I had a terrible sleep, kept hearing my door being knocked on. Couldn't shower with the feeling of being watched. Had the elevator constantly open, and a dripping wet lady kept walking in front of my room. Terrible [sic]."</p>
<h2>4. <a href="https://www.google.com/maps/contrib/110949944777085476965?hl=en-GB" target="_blank" rel="noopener">"Creepy noises at night' </a></h2>
<p>"Service was great! Creepy noises at night, and felt like I was being watched. Rooms were way too small. Based on the history of the Cecil Hotel, I was scared at first, but I kind of liked it overall. I learned the history of the Cecil (Elisa Lam), and it was scary. In conclusion, the food and service were great. Please put warnings on the noises! Make the rooms bigger. I was there 6 months ago, but I didn't want to write a review [sic]."</p>
<figure>
            <img class="size-full wp-image-12630907" src="https://cdn.fournine.net/uploads/2021/02/CrimeScene_TheVanishingattheCecilHotel_Season1_Episode3_00_17_18_23.jpg" alt="" width="681" height="383" /><figcaption class='op-vertical-below'>
<h1>

 The Vanishing at the Cecil Hotel is available to stream on Netflix (Credit: Netflix / Screenshot)</h1>
</figcaption></figure>
<h2>5. <a href="https://www.google.com/maps/contrib/100075313633104738411?hl=en-GB" target="_blank" rel="noopener">"Like they were planning something" </a></h2>
<p>"This was a creepy experience for me the bathroom... Moreover, the staff were acting weird and awkward like they were planning something... The smell, the water, the curtains..screaming? I heard... This hotel is a big NO for me [sic]."</p>
<h2>6. <a href="https://www.google.com/maps/contrib/118413377948626188674?hl=en-GB" target="_blank" rel="noopener">"DO NOT VISIT THIS HOTEL"</a></h2>
<p>"DO NOT VISIT THIS HOTEL. They can change their name, and try to leave it in the past but what happened within those walls cannot be changed. Elisa Lam will be remembered. If you go, please be careful. It's really sketchy. One word CREEPY!"</p>
<figure>
            <img class=" wp-image-12630906" src="https://cdn.fournine.net/uploads/2021/02/download-3.jpeg" alt="" width="710" height="398" /><figcaption class='op-vertical-below'>
<h1>

 Pictured is Elisa Lam who went missing and later died at the Cecil Hotel (Credit: Netflix / Screenshot)</h1>
</figcaption></figure>
<h2>7. <a href="https://www.google.com/maps/contrib/101478609961520196301?hl=en-GB" target="_blank" rel="noopener">'Many scary noises at night'</a></h2>
<p>"Hotel looks kind of fancy, I stayed here 6 years ago. Bathrooms were very dirty, many scary noises at night. Water didn't look clean and tasted strong, so I used bottled water to brush my teeth, and drink. I didn't know that this hotel was haunted. Scary place. Looks like they changed the name. Would not recommend this hotel [sic]."</p>
<h2>8. <a href="https://www.google.com/maps/contrib/117132093516435973703?hl=en-GB" target="_blank" rel="noopener">"A terrible odour'</a></h2>
<p>"I didn't like it here. The rooms were okay but the room I had, had a terrible odour. I didn't want to stay here cause I kept hearing creaks and noises and it was hard for me to sleep... Also about the past of Richard stalker guy yeah no.. [sic]"</p>
<figure>
            <img class="size-full wp-image-12630909" src="https://cdn.fournine.net/uploads/2021/02/newFile-7-scaled.jpg" alt="cecil hotel" width="2560" height="1921" /><figcaption class='op-vertical-below'>
<h1>

 Elisa Lam's body was recovered from a water tank atop the hotel (Credit: Netflix / Screenshot)</h1>
</figcaption></figure>

<h2>9. <a href="https://www.google.com/maps/contrib/109321424439190630584?hl=en-GB" target="_blank" rel="noopener">'Eerie vibes'</a></h2>
<p>"[We stayed] here back in 2013 didn't even know the history and that it was Cecil Hotel. Got some eerie vibes while staying there. Staff were great. Room was nice had no problems. Didn't know it was closed now. But I didn't mind staying there [sic]."</p>
<h2>10. <a href="https://www.google.com/maps/contrib/105261923694649519316?hl=en-GB" target="_blank" rel="noopener">"A bad idea" </a></h2>
<p>"When they renamed it 'stay on main' they literally mean to stay on the main street. Don't go anywhere else... it's a bad idea [sic]."</p>
<p>So, there you have it. While The Cecil Hotel will be open for business in the not too distant future, you may want to give it a miss...</p>


Is the Cecil Hotel still open? 10 of the creepiest reviews left by guests

It may sound counterintuitive, but studies have consistently shown that a woman's confidence goes down as her work experience goes up. Yes, as well as having to contend with the gender pay gap, and a lack of visible female role models, women are also experiencing a crisis of confidence within the workplace.

[caption id="attachment_12626462" align="aligncenter" width="1920"]<img class="wp-image-12626462 size-full" src="https://cdn.junglecreations.com/wp/junglecms/2020/12/52fb500c-jess-bailey-q10vitrvyum-unsplash.jpg" alt="How to regain lost confidence in the workplace" width="1920" height="1440" /> Studies have consistently shown that a woman's confidence goes down as her work experience goes up (Credit: Unsplash)[/caption]
<h2>Lost confidence in the workplace</h2>
The phenomenon of the gender confidence gap has been well quantified and documented.

A study conducted at Cornell University, cited in a 2014 article from <a href="https://www.theatlantic.com/magazine/archive/2014/05/the-confidence-gap/359815/" target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer">The Atlantic</a> - concluded that men tend to overestimate their performance and ability, while women underestimate both. However, in reality, their actual performance, when weighed up, didn't differ in quality or quantity.
<p style="text-align: center;"><strong>READ MORE: <a href="https://www.fournine.net/simple-hacks-will-help-productive-work-day" target="_blank" rel="noopener"><span data-sheets-value="{&quot;1&quot;:2,&quot;2&quot;:&quot;How to be more productive at work – 9 tips to make the most of your day&quot;}" data-sheets-userformat="{&quot;2&quot;:6723,&quot;3&quot;:{&quot;1&quot;:0},&quot;4&quot;:{&quot;1&quot;:2,&quot;2&quot;:16777215},&quot;9&quot;:0,&quot;12&quot;:0,&quot;14&quot;:{&quot;1&quot;:2,&quot;2&quot;:0},&quot;15&quot;:&quot;Arial&quot;}">How to be more productive at work – 9 tips to make the most of your day</span></a></strong></p>
Further, in 2011, the <a href="https://www.institutelm.com/resourceLibrary/ambition-and-gender-at-work.html" target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer">Institute of Leadership and Management</a>, based in the UK, surveyed managers about how confident they feel in their job roles. Half of the female respondents said that they had experienced self-doubt in regards to their performance, and careers writ large, compared to less than a third of their male counterparts.

While it seems self-explanatory - and perhaps even patronising - to state that bridging the gender confidence gap begins with fostering confidence within women, it's undoubtedly one of the most tangible steps we can take as we continue to exist in systemic structures that privilege and reward men over women.

Four Nine spoke to <a href="https://www.instagram.com/themindfulcoach2021/">Melissa Britton</a> - a positive psychology practitioner - about some tangible ways in which we can foster confidence in the workplace amongst women.

[caption id="attachment_12630892" align="alignnone" width="1920"]<img class="wp-image-12630892 size-full" src="https://cdn.fournine.net/uploads/2021/02/you-x-ventures-Oalh2MojUuk-unsplash.jpg" alt="lost confidence " width="1920" height="1280" /> Four Nine spoke to Melissa Britton  about some tangible ways in which we can foster confidence (Credit: Unsplash)[/caption]
<h3 class="p1">Reframe the situation</h3>
<p class="p1">Melissa explained that the "way in which we interpret events and our beliefs around why it happened ultimately determines how we react to the situation."</p>
<p class="p1">"While as humans it is in our nature to focus on the bad things, we can take negative situations and reframe how we feel about it," she continued. "For example, if you’re criticised at work, you could reframe the event as a learning experience to enable you to do your job better in the future."</p>

<h3 class="p1">Remind yourself that you have the tools to bounce back</h3>
<p class="p1">As Melissa says, "it is unrealistic to go through life and not experience setbacks that knock our confidence."</p>
<p class="p1">"When something negative occurs in the workplace, and you are in the right space to do so, I encourage you to think back on past negative events and how you got through these. You have bounced back before, and you can do it again."</p>


[caption id="attachment_12630893" align="alignnone" width="1920"]<img class="wp-image-12630893 size-full" src="https://cdn.fournine.net/uploads/2021/02/cowomen-6PNmVVwWSX0-unsplash.jpg" alt="workplace confidence " width="1920" height="1280" /> "You have bounced back before, and you can do it again," says Melissa (Credit: Unsplash)[/caption]
<h3 class="p1">Bask in your own success</h3>
<p class="p1">"A great confidence boost is to reminisce about past successes you have had in the workplace in the past, Melissa told us. One of the ways she encourages her clients to do this is by displaying a reminder of successes on their desks.</p>
<p style="text-align: center;"><strong>READ MORE: <a href="https://www.fournine.net/imposter-syndrome-could-cost-you-your-job" target="_blank" rel="noopener"><span data-sheets-value="{&quot;1&quot;:2,&quot;2&quot;:&quot;How to overcome imposter syndrome – 11 simple techniques to boost your confidence&quot;}" data-sheets-userformat="{&quot;2&quot;:6723,&quot;3&quot;:{&quot;1&quot;:0},&quot;4&quot;:{&quot;1&quot;:2,&quot;2&quot;:16777215},&quot;9&quot;:0,&quot;12&quot;:0,&quot;14&quot;:{&quot;1&quot;:2,&quot;2&quot;:0},&quot;15&quot;:&quot;Arial&quot;}">How to overcome imposter syndrome – 11 simple techniques to boost your confidence</span></a></strong></p>
<p class="p1">Speaking about her own practices, Melissa continued: "In my past role I had a display of the 'thank you' cards I had received. Personally, I also found that this motivated me on really tough days as well, because it was a reminder of the difference I was making through my work."</p>

<h3 class="p1">Savour the moment</h3>
<p class="p1">When something positive happens in the workplace, Melissa encourages us to savour the feeling in order to build your confidence levels. "There are many different ways of savouring," she explains, and they include, "sharing your good news with others, outwardly expressing your happiness, and reminiscing about past successes."</p>


[caption id="attachment_12630894" align="alignnone" width="1920"]<img class="wp-image-12630894 size-full" src="https://cdn.fournine.net/uploads/2021/02/cowomen-3ALW9V3jNkc-unsplash.jpg" alt="lost confidence " width="1920" height="1280" /> When something positive happens in the workplace, Melissa encourages us to savour the feeling (Credit: Unsplash)[/caption]
<h3 class="p1">Mindfulness</h3>
<p class="p1">"When a negative event occurs in the workplace, we can often experience feelings of <a href="https://junglecms.co.uk/wp-admin/post.php?post=12626342&amp;action=edit" target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer">anxiety</a> and stress," Melissa states. "During such occasions, I would encourage you to take a step back and complete a minute of mindfulness meditation. There are many apps you can use on your phone to complete guided meditations if you are new to mindfulness."</p>
<p class="p1">If you have completed mindfulness in the past, and feel unable to leave your desk, she recommends placing a small sticker at the bottom of your monitor, and focusing on it, and your breathing for one minute. This should give you a short break from experiencing symptoms of stress.</p>

<h3 class="p1">Make a different kind of to-do list</h3>
<p class="p1">"Many people have a to-do list, which in the workplace can take a long time to complete due to other distractions. And this can leave us feeling deflated, and questioning if we are able to do our own job.</p>
<p class="p1">"But, if we took the time to acknowledge everything we do through the day, we would often find that we completed a lot of valuable work. On these days, I encourage you to reflect on your working day, and make a new list outlining your accomplishments for the day."</p>


[caption id="attachment_12630895" align="alignnone" width="1920"]<img class="wp-image-12630895 size-full" src="https://cdn.fournine.net/uploads/2021/02/cowomen-UqRdsCRQX1o-unsplash-1.jpg" alt="confidence " width="1920" height="1280" /> "Reflect on your working day, and make a new list outlining your accomplishments" (Credit: Unsplash)[/caption]
<h3 class="p1">Share the love</h3>
<p class="p1">Melissa states that a lovely way to improve the wellbeing of a team is to show that they are all individually valued. You can do this by creating a 'gratitude wall' where people can leave comments of appreciation each time they were supported by another team member.</p>
<p class="p1">"This benefits both the team member expressing gratitude, and the person receiving the feedback," she explains. "The person expressing gratitude is able to reminisce about a time that they were supported by their colleague. This may boost their mood and confidence knowing that if they have difficulties in the future, they have someone to turn to, whilst the other is made to feel valued."</p>

<p>It may sound counterintuitive, but studies have consistently shown that a woman's confidence goes down as her work experience goes up. Yes, as well as having to contend with the gender pay gap, and a lack of visible female role models, women are also experiencing a crisis of confidence within the workplace.</p>
<figure>
            <img class="wp-image-12626462 size-full" src="https://cdn.junglecreations.com/wp/junglecms/2020/12/52fb500c-jess-bailey-q10vitrvyum-unsplash.jpg" alt="How to regain lost confidence in the workplace" width="1920" height="1440" /><figcaption class='op-vertical-below'>
<h1>

 Studies have consistently shown that a woman's confidence goes down as her work experience goes up (Credit: Unsplash)</h1>
</figcaption></figure>
<h2>Lost confidence in the workplace</h2>
<p>The phenomenon of the gender confidence gap has been well quantified and documented.</p>
<p>A study conducted at Cornell University, cited in a 2014 article from <a href="https://www.theatlantic.com/magazine/archive/2014/05/the-confidence-gap/359815/" target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer">The Atlantic</a> - concluded that men tend to overestimate their performance and ability, while women underestimate both. However, in reality, their actual performance, when weighed up, didn't differ in quality or quantity.</p>
<p style="text-align: center;"><strong>READ MORE: <a href="https://www.fournine.net/simple-hacks-will-help-productive-work-day" target="_blank" rel="noopener">How to be more productive at work – 9 tips to make the most of your day</a></strong></p>
<p>Further, in 2011, the <a href="https://www.institutelm.com/resourceLibrary/ambition-and-gender-at-work.html" target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer">Institute of Leadership and Management</a>, based in the UK, surveyed managers about how confident they feel in their job roles. Half of the female respondents said that they had experienced self-doubt in regards to their performance, and careers writ large, compared to less than a third of their male counterparts.</p>
<p>While it seems self-explanatory - and perhaps even patronising - to state that bridging the gender confidence gap begins with fostering confidence within women, it's undoubtedly one of the most tangible steps we can take as we continue to exist in systemic structures that privilege and reward men over women.</p>
<p>Four Nine spoke to <a href="https://www.instagram.com/themindfulcoach2021/">Melissa Britton</a> - a positive psychology practitioner - about some tangible ways in which we can foster confidence in the workplace amongst women.</p>
<figure>
            <img class="wp-image-12630892 size-full" src="https://cdn.fournine.net/uploads/2021/02/you-x-ventures-Oalh2MojUuk-unsplash.jpg" alt="lost confidence " width="1920" height="1280" /><figcaption class='op-vertical-below'>
<h1>

 Four Nine spoke to Melissa Britton  about some tangible ways in which we can foster confidence (Credit: Unsplash)</h1>
</figcaption></figure>
<h2 class="p1">Reframe the situation</h2>
<p class="p1">Melissa explained that the "way in which we interpret events and our beliefs around why it happened ultimately determines how we react to the situation."</p>
<p class="p1">"While as humans it is in our nature to focus on the bad things, we can take negative situations and reframe how we feel about it," she continued. "For example, if you’re criticised at work, you could reframe the event as a learning experience to enable you to do your job better in the future."</p>
<h2 class="p1">Remind yourself that you have the tools to bounce back</h2>
<p class="p1">As Melissa says, "it is unrealistic to go through life and not experience setbacks that knock our confidence."</p>
<p class="p1">"When something negative occurs in the workplace, and you are in the right space to do so, I encourage you to think back on past negative events and how you got through these. You have bounced back before, and you can do it again."</p>
<figure>
            <img class="wp-image-12630893 size-full" src="https://cdn.fournine.net/uploads/2021/02/cowomen-6PNmVVwWSX0-unsplash.jpg" alt="workplace confidence " width="1920" height="1280" /><figcaption class='op-vertical-below'>
<h1>

 "You have bounced back before, and you can do it again," says Melissa (Credit: Unsplash)</h1>
</figcaption></figure>
<h2 class="p1">Bask in your own success</h2>
<p class="p1">"A great confidence boost is to reminisce about past successes you have had in the workplace in the past, Melissa told us. One of the ways she encourages her clients to do this is by displaying a reminder of successes on their desks.</p>
<p style="text-align: center;"><strong>READ MORE: <a href="https://www.fournine.net/imposter-syndrome-could-cost-you-your-job" target="_blank" rel="noopener">How to overcome imposter syndrome – 11 simple techniques to boost your confidence</a></strong></p>
<p class="p1">Speaking about her own practices, Melissa continued: "In my past role I had a display of the 'thank you' cards I had received. Personally, I also found that this motivated me on really tough days as well, because it was a reminder of the difference I was making through my work."</p>
<h2 class="p1">Savour the moment</h2>
<p class="p1">When something positive happens in the workplace, Melissa encourages us to savour the feeling in order to build your confidence levels. "There are many different ways of savouring," she explains, and they include, "sharing your good news with others, outwardly expressing your happiness, and reminiscing about past successes."</p>
<figure>
            <img class="wp-image-12630894 size-full" src="https://cdn.fournine.net/uploads/2021/02/cowomen-3ALW9V3jNkc-unsplash.jpg" alt="lost confidence " width="1920" height="1280" /><figcaption class='op-vertical-below'>
<h1>

 When something positive happens in the workplace, Melissa encourages us to savour the feeling (Credit: Unsplash)</h1>
</figcaption></figure>
<h2 class="p1">Mindfulness</h2>
<p class="p1">"When a negative event occurs in the workplace, we can often experience feelings of <a href="https://junglecms.co.uk/wp-admin/post.php?post=12626342&amp;action=edit" target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer">anxiety</a> and stress," Melissa states. "During such occasions, I would encourage you to take a step back and complete a minute of mindfulness meditation. There are many apps you can use on your phone to complete guided meditations if you are new to mindfulness."</p>
<p class="p1">If you have completed mindfulness in the past, and feel unable to leave your desk, she recommends placing a small sticker at the bottom of your monitor, and focusing on it, and your breathing for one minute. This should give you a short break from experiencing symptoms of stress.</p>
<h2 class="p1">Make a different kind of to-do list</h2>
<p class="p1">"Many people have a to-do list, which in the workplace can take a long time to complete due to other distractions. And this can leave us feeling deflated, and questioning if we are able to do our own job.</p>
<p class="p1">"But, if we took the time to acknowledge everything we do through the day, we would often find that we completed a lot of valuable work. On these days, I encourage you to reflect on your working day, and make a new list outlining your accomplishments for the day."</p>
<figure>
            <img class="wp-image-12630895 size-full" src="https://cdn.fournine.net/uploads/2021/02/cowomen-UqRdsCRQX1o-unsplash-1.jpg" alt="confidence " width="1920" height="1280" /><figcaption class='op-vertical-below'>
<h1>

 "Reflect on your working day, and make a new list outlining your accomplishments" (Credit: Unsplash)</h1>
</figcaption></figure>
<h2 class="p1">Share the love</h2>
<p class="p1">Melissa states that a lovely way to improve the wellbeing of a team is to show that they are all individually valued. You can do this by creating a 'gratitude wall' where people can leave comments of appreciation each time they were supported by another team member.</p>
<p class="p1">"This benefits both the team member expressing gratitude, and the person receiving the feedback," she explains. "The person expressing gratitude is able to reminisce about a time that they were supported by their colleague. This may boost their mood and confidence knowing that if they have difficulties in the future, they have someone to turn to, whilst the other is made to feel valued."</p>


How to regain lost confidence in the workplace

Madam CJ Walker should be remembered for much more than being the first female self-made millionaire in America, her great-great-granddaughter A'Lelia Bundles tells Four Nine.

It was, of course, an incredible feat. When she reached the milestone in 1913, she did so in a time where being a woman – especially a Black woman – effectively prevented any financial independence.

"While it's interesting and notable that she became a millionaire, what I really love is that she used her money and influence to empower others," the award-winning author of <a href="https://www.amazon.co.uk/Ground-Lisa-Drew-Books-Paperback/dp/0743431723">On Her Own Ground: The Life and Times of Madam CJ Walker</a> says. "She tried to make a difference; to create generational wealth for Black families – and for Black women."

[caption id="attachment_12630798" align="aligncenter" width="389"]<img class="size-full wp-image-12630798" src="https://cdn.fournine.net/uploads/2021/01/Screen-Shot-2019-03-18-at-9.52.41-AM.png" alt="Madam CJ Walker" width="389" height="485" /> Madam CJ Walker became a millionaire in 1913 (Credit: Netflix / Screenshot)[/caption]
<h2>The origins of Madam CJ Walker</h2>
Sarah Breedlove, who would come to be known as Madam CJ Walker, was born on a plantation in Delta, Lousiana in 1867. Orphaned at seven, and widowed at 20 with a young child, she worked as a washerwoman until founding the Madam CJ Walker Manufacturing Company in 1906.

By the time of her death in 1919, aged 51, she had changed the face of the modern hair care industry forever. As well as the lives of countless Black women.

"Madam Walker really instilled pride and gave people confidence," Bundles says. This, she explains, started with solving her own problem by creating a solution for hair loss.

"At the time, 90 per cent of African Americans were living in the rural South, where they didn't have access to indoor plumbing or running water. So, the whole idea of hygiene was really different. They might wash their hair once a month, or sometimes not at all during the winter. This meant they had really horrible scalp disease infections and sores – including Madam Walker, who was going bald."

[caption id="attachment_12630802" align="alignnone" width="1718"]<img class="size-full wp-image-12630802" src="https://cdn.fournine.net/uploads/2021/01/ALelia-Bundles-from-Print-0666-300-dpi-copy-scaled.jpeg" alt="Madam CJ Walker" width="1718" height="2560" /> Pictured is award-winning journalist and author A'Lelia Bundles (Credit: Supplied)[/caption]
<h2>Empowering Black women</h2>
The resulting product proved to be a great hair grower, but Walker, being entrepreneurially minded, noticed another opportunity.

"She began to see that not only was she solving the problem of hair loss amongst Black women, but that haircare products were a means to an end," adds Bundles. "So, she started to employ Black women as sales agents in the Walker company.

"She understood what they really needed was education and economic independence so they would not have to be dependent on white employers." While Walker received testimonials from women who had literally thrown their wigs away, there were others who thanked her for helping them to believe in their own economic viability.

As Bundles tells me, "One woman wrote to her and said: 'You have made it possible for a Black woman to make more money in a day selling your products than she could have in a month working in someone's kitchen.

"She was absolutely a feminist icon by empowering women and giving them options. Not only that, but she was an activist, educator, and a suffragette who hosted meetings for Black suffrage in her home. A true advocate for other women."

[caption id="attachment_12630803" align="alignnone" width="1000"]<img class="size-full wp-image-12630803" src="https://cdn.fournine.net/uploads/2021/01/MCJW-hero-1920x1080-1.jpg" alt="Madam CJ Walker" width="1000" height="541" /> Octavia Spencer stars as Madam CJ Walker in Netflix miniseries Self Made (Credit: Netflix)[/caption]
<h2>Planting seeds for the future</h2>
In a world where there are still not enough products for Black hair, Madam CJ Walker's work remains as important as ever "She helped plant the seeds for tailoring beauty to women of colour, and there have been major developments since then," Bundles says.

Nearly all of these initiatives have been driven by women of colour, and the economic opportunity for them remains rife.

"It's self-care," Bundles muses. "Women have always taken care of themselves, but I really see it in communities of colour. It gives women an opportunity to support, nurture and communicate with each other."

Far from being frivolous, this self-care and self-confidence can "lead to doing other things", as it did with the women of Madam CJ Walker's generation.

One criticism that has repeatedly been levelled at the entrepreneur is that she subscribed to eurocentric beauty standards. This, Bundles states, is simply incorrect.

"I know that people think, 'Oh, Madam Walker was trying to make Black women look white'," she continues. "But I think they don't understand that her real issue was trying to heal scalp infections, which prevented hair from growing. That, and giving Black women more versatility [in terms of hairstyling].

"Madam Walker was very aware of the criticism that people had. She actually said, 'Let me correct the erroneous impression held by some that I claim to straighten hair. I grow hair. I want the great masses of my people to have pride in themselves'."

[caption id="attachment_12630804" align="alignnone" width="2560"]<img class="wp-image-12630804 size-full" src="https://cdn.fournine.net/uploads/2021/01/V-ALelia-Bundles-by-Anya-Chibis_0729_f-min-scaled.jpg" alt="Madam CJ Walker" width="2560" height="1707" /> A'Lelia Bundles penned the biography: On Her Own Ground: The Life and Times of Madam CJ Walker (Credit: Supplied)[/caption]
<h2>Netflix's 'Self Made'</h2>
Bundles' biography of her great-great-grandmother is, of course, the inspiration behind the recent Netflix miniseries, <a href="https://www.netflix.com/gb/title/80202462">Self Made</a>.

While she praises Octavia Spencer's performance for "really embodying the confidence, perseverance and tenacity of Madam Walker," she admits that it's the "Hollywood version of the story".

Bundles adds: "I liked seeing prosperous Black people during the early 20th century, because I think many people have no idea that there were successful Black people in the early 1900s. And it was great to see women in business. But there was a lot about it that was historically inaccurate."

Madam Walker's legacy, understandably, means a lot to Bundles, and not just because she is related to her by blood. For her, her great-great-grandmother's biggest feat was that she empowered women. And that she still continues to do so.

"Madam CJ Walker, for me, sets the stage for women who develop confidence in themselves. Women who want to move forward. And women who then do something to make their communities better."

<p>Madam CJ Walker should be remembered for much more than being the first female self-made millionaire in America, her great-great-granddaughter A'Lelia Bundles tells Four Nine.</p>
<p>It was, of course, an incredible feat. When she reached the milestone in 1913, she did so in a time where being a woman – especially a Black woman – effectively prevented any financial independence.</p>
<p>"While it's interesting and notable that she became a millionaire, what I really love is that she used her money and influence to empower others," the award-winning author of <a href="https://www.amazon.co.uk/Ground-Lisa-Drew-Books-Paperback/dp/0743431723">On Her Own Ground: The Life and Times of Madam CJ Walker</a> says. "She tried to make a difference; to create generational wealth for Black families – and for Black women."</p>
<figure>
            <img class="size-full wp-image-12630798" src="https://cdn.fournine.net/uploads/2021/01/Screen-Shot-2019-03-18-at-9.52.41-AM.png" alt="Madam CJ Walker" width="389" height="485" /><figcaption class='op-vertical-below'>
<h1>

 Madam CJ Walker became a millionaire in 1913 (Credit: Netflix / Screenshot)</h1>
</figcaption></figure>
<h2>The origins of Madam CJ Walker</h2>
<p>Sarah Breedlove, who would come to be known as Madam CJ Walker, was born on a plantation in Delta, Lousiana in 1867. Orphaned at seven, and widowed at 20 with a young child, she worked as a washerwoman until founding the Madam CJ Walker Manufacturing Company in 1906.</p>
<p>By the time of her death in 1919, aged 51, she had changed the face of the modern hair care industry forever. As well as the lives of countless Black women.</p>
<p>"Madam Walker really instilled pride and gave people confidence," Bundles says. This, she explains, started with solving her own problem by creating a solution for hair loss.</p>
<p>"At the time, 90 per cent of African Americans were living in the rural South, where they didn't have access to indoor plumbing or running water. So, the whole idea of hygiene was really different. They might wash their hair once a month, or sometimes not at all during the winter. This meant they had really horrible scalp disease infections and sores – including Madam Walker, who was going bald."</p>
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            <img class="size-full wp-image-12630802" src="https://cdn.fournine.net/uploads/2021/01/ALelia-Bundles-from-Print-0666-300-dpi-copy-scaled.jpeg" alt="Madam CJ Walker" width="1718" height="2560" /><figcaption class='op-vertical-below'>
<h1>

 Pictured is award-winning journalist and author A'Lelia Bundles (Credit: Supplied)</h1>
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<h2>Empowering Black women</h2>
<p>The resulting product proved to be a great hair grower, but Walker, being entrepreneurially minded, noticed another opportunity.</p>
<p>"She began to see that not only was she solving the problem of hair loss amongst Black women, but that haircare products were a means to an end," adds Bundles. "So, she started to employ Black women as sales agents in the Walker company.</p>
<p>"She understood what they really needed was education and economic independence so they would not have to be dependent on white employers." While Walker received testimonials from women who had literally thrown their wigs away, there were others who thanked her for helping them to believe in their own economic viability.</p>
<p>As Bundles tells me, "One woman wrote to her and said: 'You have made it possible for a Black woman to make more money in a day selling your products than she could have in a month working in someone's kitchen.</p>
<p>"She was absolutely a feminist icon by empowering women and giving them options. Not only that, but she was an activist, educator, and a suffragette who hosted meetings for Black suffrage in her home. A true advocate for other women."</p>
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            <img class="size-full wp-image-12630803" src="https://cdn.fournine.net/uploads/2021/01/MCJW-hero-1920x1080-1.jpg" alt="Madam CJ Walker" width="1000" height="541" /><figcaption class='op-vertical-below'>
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 Octavia Spencer stars as Madam CJ Walker in Netflix miniseries Self Made (Credit: Netflix)</h1>
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<h2>Planting seeds for the future</h2>
<p>In a world where there are still not enough products for Black hair, Madam CJ Walker's work remains as important as ever "She helped plant the seeds for tailoring beauty to women of colour, and there have been major developments since then," Bundles says.</p>
<p>Nearly all of these initiatives have been driven by women of colour, and the economic opportunity for them remains rife.</p>
<p>"It's self-care," Bundles muses. "Women have always taken care of themselves, but I really see it in communities of colour. It gives women an opportunity to support, nurture and communicate with each other."</p>
<p>Far from being frivolous, this self-care and self-confidence can "lead to doing other things", as it did with the women of Madam CJ Walker's generation.</p>
<p>One criticism that has repeatedly been levelled at the entrepreneur is that she subscribed to eurocentric beauty standards. This, Bundles states, is simply incorrect.</p>
<p>"I know that people think, 'Oh, Madam Walker was trying to make Black women look white'," she continues. "But I think they don't understand that her real issue was trying to heal scalp infections, which prevented hair from growing. That, and giving Black women more versatility [in terms of hairstyling].</p>
<p>"Madam Walker was very aware of the criticism that people had. She actually said, 'Let me correct the erroneous impression held by some that I claim to straighten hair. I grow hair. I want the great masses of my people to have pride in themselves'."</p>
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            <img class="wp-image-12630804 size-full" src="https://cdn.fournine.net/uploads/2021/01/V-ALelia-Bundles-by-Anya-Chibis_0729_f-min-scaled.jpg" alt="Madam CJ Walker" width="2560" height="1707" /><figcaption class='op-vertical-below'>
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 A'Lelia Bundles penned the biography: On Her Own Ground: The Life and Times of Madam CJ Walker (Credit: Supplied)</h1>
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<h2>Netflix's 'Self Made'</h2>
<p>Bundles' biography of her great-great-grandmother is, of course, the inspiration behind the recent Netflix miniseries, <a href="https://www.netflix.com/gb/title/80202462">Self Made</a>.</p>
<p>While she praises Octavia Spencer's performance for "really embodying the confidence, perseverance and tenacity of Madam Walker," she admits that it's the "Hollywood version of the story".</p>
<p>Bundles adds: "I liked seeing prosperous Black people during the early 20th century, because I think many people have no idea that there were successful Black people in the early 1900s. And it was great to see women in business. But there was a lot about it that was historically inaccurate."</p>
<p>Madam Walker's legacy, understandably, means a lot to Bundles, and not just because she is related to her by blood. For her, her great-great-grandmother's biggest feat was that she empowered women. And that she still continues to do so.</p>
<p>"Madam CJ Walker, for me, sets the stage for women who develop confidence in themselves. Women who want to move forward. And women who then do something to make their communities better."</p>


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